


"Okay" (bbangnyu)

by jihoontastic



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:34:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 28,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25515835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jihoontastic/pseuds/jihoontastic
Summary: Younghoon needs help with a risky situation he's got himself into, so he asks Chanhee to help. However, Chanhee also has his own problems to deal with.
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin, Choi Chanhee | New/Kim Younghoon, Ji Changmin | Q/Kim Sunwoo
Comments: 3
Kudos: 78





	1. One

Younghoon sat down next to his friend Changmin after having been rejected for the 746326th time.

"I don't get it." He sighed. "All these girls act all nice to me, and then I ask them for a favor and they act like I'm some kind of creep."

Changmin woke up from whatever daydream he had been having and turned to Younghoon.

"I mean... it is kinda weird. You're asking them to pretend to your girlfriend. If someone came up to me and asked me to pretend to date them, I'd find it weird too."

Younghoon sighed.

"I know. But I can't tell my mom I've been lying for the past two years. Seriously, you haven't met her. She'll murder me." He leaned back and put his feet up on the desk in front of him. "Besides, even if I did tell her, she'd just go back to constanly nagging at me to 'find a nice pretty girl', and that's why I started lying to her in the first place."

Changmin thought for a moment. 

He scanned the almost empty university lecture hall, which only had a few students here and there, and then found what he was looking for. 

He turned back to Younghoon with a mischievous smile on his face. 

"I have an idea." he wiggled his eyebrows.

"What?" Younghoon pleaded.

"That quiet boy in the corner. Isn't he the one you saved from those assholes who were gonna throw his laptop out the 4th floor window?"

Younghoon glanced over at the boy and then nodded.

"Well, he owes you a favour then doesn't he?" Changmin said.

"Changmin... you're not serious-"

"Come onnn. I mean look at him. With a convincing wig and some girls' clothes, he could totally pass. He's prettier than most girls already. What's his name again?"

"Chanhee." Younghoon replied.

"See? Even his name could be a girl's name."

Younghoon looked over at the boy, who was too engrossed in his work to notice the two guys talking about him on the other side of the room. Sure, he was kinda pretty for a dude, but Younghoon would feel bad for making him pretend to be a girl.

"You know you want to." Changmin insisted.

"No. I don't."

"Yeahhhh you do."

"No-"

"I see you looking at him. You think he's pretty don't you? Ooh Younghoon has a wittle crush uwu-"

"No."

"Yeah yeah ok whatever."

Changmin turned to look at the boy again.

"YO CHANHEE! OVER HERE!" He shouted across the room.

Chanhee, who had been diligently writing down as much as he could remember from his previous lecture, was so startled by someone calling out his name that he threw his notebook in the air, knocking over a girl's coffee cup as it landed.

There was a brief silence across the room.

"I- I'm sorry Bona-"

"Why you little-"

"Is there a problem Bona?" Younghoon interrupted.

The girl, Bona, turned around to face Younghoon with a sweet smile plastered onto her face.

"It's just that this little klutz here.." she began, her nice-girl tone being dropped for a second, "...threw his stupid book at me."

"It w-was an accide-"

"Did someone tell you to speak, klutz? I don't remember anyone telling you to, do you guys?" She asked the people sitting around her. "No? Well then." They all sniggered. 

"Bona, I'm sure he didn't mean to." Younghoon said.

She thought for a moment.

"Still, he should learn to not be such a moron all the time, always dropping everything. Imagine him waiting tables-" She burst into a fit of laughter along with the others around her. "Someone should teach him a lesson."

Chanhee was looking down at the floor, not liking all of this unwanted attention at all.

"Well before you do that, I'm gonna borrow him for a sec, okay?"

Bona waved him off.

"Sure, whatever, I don't care."

Younghoon beckoned for Chanhee to follow him and Changmin as they left the lecture hall. Before Chanhee had reached the door though, he felt a notebook hit him hard in the back of the head, and muffled laughter coming from behind him. He didn't even look back at them. A reaction was what they wanted.

In the hallway, which was pretty empty because most people were headed home at that time, Chanhee suddenly bowed down in front of Younghoon.

"Thank you for saving me... a-again."

"Hey, stand up, it's not that big of a deal okay?" 

Chanhee stood upright again. There was an awkward silence where Younghoon and Chanhee just stared at each other.

"Uhh Younghoon.. you have a favor to ask him?" Changmin hinted.

"O-Oh yeah. Well uh, this is gonna sound pretty crazy, and I completely understand if you say no, but well basically," he sighed, "basically my mom used to always nag at me to find a girlfriend. So one day I lied to her and said that I had started dating a girl.. and I guess the lie kinda got out of control. I've avoided it until now, like whenever she would ask things like 'what's her name?' or 'do I know her family?' or 'when do I get to meet her?' I would always just brush her off and say it was 'none of her business.' But this time she wouldn't let me change the subject, because she wants me to bring my non-existent girlfriend to a family gathering, so that she can see if the girl I've been seeing for so long is like.. I dunno... worthy of dating me? She's conceited like that. I really hate her sometimes, you have no idea-"

"Ok ok get to the point." Changmin said. It was clear that Chanhee was confused about how this involved him at all.

"Ok... basically, I have already asked a ton of girls to do this, and they all said no, so it's fine if you also don't want to, but uh... could you.. pretend to be my girlfriend?"

"Huh?" Chanhee said, not really processing what he had asked.

"He said can you pretend to be his girlfriend." Changmin said.

Chanhee just stood there in complete confusion.

"I- I'm not a girl." 

"Yeah duh, we're not stupid. But all the girls said no so we're asking you, will you do it? You owe Younghoon a favor don't you?"

"Changmin stop pressuring him." 

"I'm not- You're the one who's asking."

"But I don't- Why me?" Chanhee asked.

Changmin and Younghoon exchanged glances. Changmin stayed silent and folded his arms, meaning Younghoon had to say it.

"You're uhh, you're pretty." He answered, not meeting Chanhee's eyes. "For a guy." 

"O-Oh.. umm... thank you."

"Yeah yeah so anyway, will you do it?" Changmin asked again. "Obviously we're gonna have to get you all girled-up for it to be convincing, a dress, a wig- probably some makeup too- Ah! Actually, I have a friend who works in beauty, maybe we can get him to do a makeover or something-"

"Changmin. Shut up." Younghoon said.

Changmin stopped and gave Chanhee a chance to speak.

"W-Well I.. this is umm.. unexpected... B-But Younghoon has saved me two times now... so I should make it up to him..."

"So you'll do it?" Younghoon said.

Chanhee was silent for a few more moments.

"Okay."


	2. two

They still had a few days until the party which Younghoon's mother had asked him to bring his 'girlfriend' to. It wasn't going to be a lively party, more like those fancy ones that rich people have, where they invite their family and other rich families to create business ties and such.

The three boys, Younghoon, Changmin and Chanhee were currently wandering around clothes shops looking for something for Chanhee to wear that would look convincing.

"How about this?" Changmin said, holding up a green dress.

"No, that's too cheap-looking, my mom judges people by things like that." Younghoon replied.

While they were discussing, Chanhee was staring off at a store across the mall, at a particular light-pink dress in the window. He wouldn't admit it but he actually kind of did want to see how he looked in that.

"What about that shop over there?" he said, interrupting the other two.

The both looked, shrugged and followed Chanhee to the store.

When they walked in, the store was relatively empty, except for the shop assisstant who was standing behind the counter.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

"Yeah um... we're looking for a dress.. for a family get-together." Younhoon said.

"Okay, what style do you think would suit her?" The lady said smiling.

The three of them glanced at each other awkwardly.

"Actually uhh... it's for him." Younghoon said, gesturing towards Chanhee. He then explained the whole situation to the woman, and after he was finished she laughed kindly.

"Well, of course I can help you lovely boys. And girl..." she added, winking at Chanhee. "Was there anything in particular you liked?" She asked.

Chanhee pointed to the dress in the window.

"Ah, of course." she said. "I think that would suit you beautifully. Let me just take your measurements and see if we have it in a size to fit you."

She took out a tape measure and measured his height, his shoulder width and his waist.

"Wow, you're really small aren't you? Let me tell you, I'd die for a waist like that." she said. "Unfortunately I have too much of a sweet tooth."

She finished taking measurements, and went to the back of the store to look if they had any of that dress in Chanhee's size. Luckily, she found one that fit him fine.

When Chanhee put it on, he looked in the mirror of the changing room and realized how much he actually did look like a girl already. He stepped out of the changing room to show the other two boys, his face going red. They were staring him up and down and honestly it was really embarrassing.

"Perfect." Changmin said.

"Yeah." Younghoon agreed.

"Give us a twirl!" The shop assissant lady said.

Chanhee shook his head.

"Come onnn." Younghoon said.

Chanhee gave in and spun around on the spot, cringeing aftwerwards with his face in his hands.

After he had changed back into his regular clothes, the three boys said their goodbyes, left the mall and made their separate ways back to their different dorms.

It was pretty late in the evening by now, and there weren't many people around on the street that Chanhee was walking on.

Suddenly he heard voices from up ahead.

"...Hahah Juyeon, you're so funny."

"Yeah he really is.."

"I mean what can I say, I-" 

There was a brief silence and Chanhee kept his head down, praying that they would just ignore him.

"Chanhee. Choi Chanhee." Juyeon said.

Chanhee kept his head down and carried on walking.

"Hey, klutz," Bona said. "It's rude to ignore people when they're speaking to you."

He tried to move past them but a hand on his chest stopped him and he gave in.

"H-Hi you guys." he mumbled.

A few people in their small group exchanged smirks and snickered at Chanhee.

"Where are you coming from just now Chanhee?" Juyeon asked.

"I umm... the mall." he replied.

"Ooh lets see what you bought!" Bona exclaimed, snatching his bag off his shoulder and ripping it open.

There were a few gasps and repressed laughter when they saw the pink dress. Bona held it up for them all to see.

"What the fuck?" Juyeon laughed.

"Wow klutz, I didn't know you were into that kind of thing." Bona giggled.

"I- I'm not-"

"Wouldn't it be a shame if someone- Oops!" She said, dropping the dress in the dirt. "I think the klutz disease might be rubbing off on me!"

Chanhee just stood there watching as she continued to stamp the dress into the ground, the rest of the group struggling to contain their laughter.

Juyeon threw Chanhee's bag back at him, hitting him in the face.

"See ya later sissy." Juyeon said.

Finally the group left, leaving Chanhee to pick the dress up from the dirt. Thankfully it wasn't ripped or anything, just dirty, so it would just need to be washed. He breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn't damaged the dress which Younghoon had paid for.

When he reached his room, he closed the door behind him and sank down onto the floor. Dealing with Bona and Juyeon and their gang constantly was becoming exhausting. He wasn't entirely sure why, but there always had to be someone who they picked on. 

In highschool it was a boy named Jacob, a student who had moved there from Canada. He eventually moved schools because of them.

And now in uni it was Chanhee's turn. He never gave them a reaction, because that was all they wanted. He always just took it and acted like none of it affected him. He figured that this way they would eventually get bored and start bothering someone else.

But it had been ages now and the wall that Chanhee had built to stop it all from getting to him was starting to crack. 

He felt the tears start to form in his eyes but he snapped himself out of it. If they made him cry then that means they won, right? So he couldn't cry.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and took it out to find a text from Younghoon.

'Did you get home safe?' 

Chanhee smiled. It was nice having someone who cared, even if it was because he needed him to pretend to be his girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanna say i love bona and juyeon and i feel like such a poop for making them mean in this book :( but just know i actually love them 💕 (bona is wjsn bona if you don't know)


	3. three

It was the morning of the Saturday on which Chanhee was going to Younghoon's family's party. He had managed to wash the dirt stains out of the dress he had to wear, after Bona had tried to ruin it, and they were hardly noticeable.

Over the past couple of days, instead of being alone all the time, Chanhee had started spending more time with Younghoon and Changmin and he started to really like them. He wasn't very sociable so it was weird having two people who seemed like they really wanted to be friends with him. 

Changmin was like the exact opposite of Chanhee. He was very sociable and almost never stopped talking, so much that sometimes Chanhee would zone out when he was in the middle of some random long monologue, and then when Changmin asked him a question he wouldn't have any clue what he was talking about. 

Younghoon was in the middle. He was definitely sociable and quite popular with people, but he didn't go on and on like Changmin did. 

Before they had even spoken to each other, Chanhee knew Younghoon as the guy that everyone in the university liked. He didn't seem to have a single bad quality and was always nice to everyone. He had saved him from Bona and her friends a couple times, though he never took sides, only tried to make everyone happy. He would never get angry at them, he would just reason with them until they agreed to stop what they were doing. It always eventually worked on Bona; even though she was dating Juyeon, everyone knew that she had a thing for Younghoon.

Chanhee felt calm when he was with Younghoon. On the few occasions where it was just the two of them together, without Changmin, Younghoon would talk about his day or what assignments he had due or whatever, and he would be okay with Chanhee just listening and not talking much, because he understood that Chanhee wasn't used to talking to people. There were times where Chanhee would come out of his shell, like when Younghoon managed to make him laugh, but they were rare.

Younghoon and Changmin, along with Changmin's friend who worked in the beauty industry, were due to arrive at Chanhee's dorm at 11am to get him ready before him and Younghoon would head to Younghoon's family's house for the party. 

The time was currently 10:57, and Chanhee was anxiously sitting on his kitchen counter, swinging his legs and staring at the front door.

After a while the doorbell finally rang and Chanhee could hear their voices on the other side of the door. He jumped off the counter and hurried to open it.

Three boys were standing outside to meet him; Younghoon, who was already dressed in a suit ready for the party, Changmin, and another guy who looked around their age.

"Hi, come in." Chanhee said, holding the door as the walked past.

The three of them quickly glanced around the small dorm and were surprised by how perfect everything was.

"Woah, you're so tidy. I could never." The guy who was Changmin's friend said. "I'm Kevin by the way."

"Hi, I'm Chanhee." he replied, smiling.

Really, Chanhee had woken up early that morning and spent hours cleaning up the mess that his dorm was in - he rarely had visitors, and the mess didn't bother him, so he usually just left everything in unorganized places and it didn't really matter.

"You have a nice face." Kevin said bluntly.

"O-Oh I- Thanks..."

Kevin laughed at Chanhee's reaction.

"Don't worry I'm not hitting on you or anything, I just meant that you don't really need that much makeup for this to be convincing."

"Oh." Chanhee replied.

Chanhee went into his room to change into the dress that he was going to wear, leaving the other three behind in the living room-kitchen.

"He's pretty." Kevin said.

"Yeah.." Younghoon agreed. 

He didn't catch Changmin wiggling his eyebrows at him from beside him.

Chanhee returned after a few minutes, wearing the pink dress. Younghoon and Changmin had seen him in it before, but Kevin was shocked at how much he really did look prettier than most girls, even with short hair.

He held up a wig for Chanhee to see. It was light blonde, around shoulder-length, and it must have been expensive because it was good quality and looked like real hair.

"I brought this, it seems like it would suit you, what do you think?" Kevin asked.

"Sure... you know better than I do." Chanhee shrugged. 

Kevin got to work putting the wig on Chanhee's head, doing a good job of hiding his real hair underneath it. Someone would literally have to yank it off his head to notice something was up.

It suited him well, and with just a little touch of blush and some lipgloss, he looked like the prettiest girl Younghoon had ever seen. 

As they left Chanhee's dorm to get into Younghoon's family's car, Younghoon had to keep reminding himself that this was Chanhee, the quiet boy that went to his university; not a pretty girl that he would totally go for.

Although he had to admit, that even without all the makeup and the expensive dress, he was a pretty boy.


	4. four

The car journey to Younghoon's home wasn't very long, and soon enough they arrived at the gates to a large estate. There were already quite a lot of cars making their way onto the driveway, and they were all expensive-looking ones, which wasn't surprising. 

The house itself looked like something out of a Hollywood movie, but the gardens that surrounded it covered a very large area, which was a sign of just how rich Younghoon's family was. Owning this much land, not too far from Seoul either, would cost several fortunes.

"You live here?" Chanhee asked.

"Well I don't anymore, but my family does." Younghoon replied. "I have my own apartment nearer to the university." 

Chanhee nodded. Obviously he did. Stupid question, Chanhee.

They drew nearer to the house now.

"Okay so Chanhee, you remember the story?" Younghoon whispered.

"Yes, we met 2 years ago at a party in Taiwan, my dad owns a real estate company in Europe and my mom is a rich housewife or something."

This was the story that lined up with what Younghoon had told his mother about his 'girlfriend', and she should be satisfied that 'she' came from a rich family like themselves. As much as Younghoon had tried to get her to change her mind, she still thought poorer people were lazy and had bad attitudes. 

In reality, Chanhee had never met his father, and he had grown up with his mother in a small apartment above the convenience store which they owned. When he was younger, he never really had any free time because he needed to help his mom with the store pretty much every day, which became the cause of him not having many friends because he never had time to hang out with anyone.

He never complained though. He knew that his mother couldn't handle all the work by herself, and that he was the only one she could rely on to help her without having to be paid.

"Wait wait- Do the voice again." Younghoon said.

Chanhee sighed.

"Hello, my name is Choi Chanhee, it's nice to meet you." he said in a surprisingly convincing girl's voice.

Younghoon struggled to contain his laughter.

"It's not funny." Chanhee said in his normal voice. 

"Of course not, honey."

Chanhee glared at him.

"Don't call me that, it's cringy."

"Oh? Then hmm let's see... Dear? Darling? Sweetie?...Baby?" Younghoon teased.

Chanhee's cheeks flushed pink all of a sudden.

"N-No. Just Chanhee." he replied stubbornly.

Once they reached the entrance to the house, Younghoon got out of the car first, and reached out his hand to help Chanhee. They turned a few heads as they entered the house, Younghoon's family and friends recognizing him and wondering who this girl was.

"Younghoon!" A voice shouted. It was his mother. "How lovely to see you!" She turned to Chanhee. "And you must be the mystery girl who my son has fallen for, I'm Mrs Kim."

"I'm Choi Chanhee, nice to meet you." he said shyly.

"Come, come," She gestured, "Come sit at my table both of you, dinner is almost ready to be served."

She led them through to a large room that was full of tables set up for the dinner. People were already sitting down, and others were making their way to their seats.

Younghoon sat down next to his mother, and Chanhee sat next to him. Beside Chanhee was a girl who looked about his age, maybe younger.

"Hi. I'm Jangmi, Younghoon's sister."

"Hi, nice to meet you." Chanhee replied.

"You're beautiful, I can see why Younghoon likes you."

"O-Oh... thanks. You're pretty too." He replied.

Jangmi smiled at him and then turned her attention towards the person sitting to the other side of her.

"Chanhee dear," Younghoon's mother began, calling his attention, "You're from the Choi family you said? Which Choi's? I might know them."

Younghoon interrupted.

"You wouldn't know them mom, they own real estate in Europe."

"Oh? Are there nice houses? If so you'll have to introduce me, I'd love to have a holiday home in Europe." She laughed. "So your family are wealthy then, I assume?"

"Mom." Younghoon sighed.

"What? I just want to be sure that her family are successful, diligent people like ourselves, is that too much to ask?" She replied haugtily.

"Yes, we're quite comfortable." Chanhee assured.

"Wonderful. My, it must've been hard to find a girl who still looks good when standing next to you, my little handsome boy-" She teased, reaching over and squishing Younghoon's cheeks.

"Mooom, stop." Younghoon protested, batting her hands away.

Chanhee wanted to laugh, but he was too scared to because he was trying to be polite, so he didn't.

"It seems like you've done a good job though, she's gorgeous dear." She continued. Chanhee felt a bit awkward because she was talking like he wasn't sitting right there in front of them, but he didn't think too much about it. Younghoon had warned him that she was quick to judge people based on their appearances.

As the afternoon went on and they had eaten their food and moved to a larger room to socialize, Chanhee couldn't help but notice that there were always eyes on him.

"They're staring because of Younghoon," Jangmi said, appearing at Chanhee's side as if she had read his mind, "They'll be wanting to find out all the little details about his relationship with you, Miss Mystery Girl. After all, he is the heir to all this," she gestured around the room at all the expensive items and furniture. "Whoever he ends up with is basically set for life."

"Oh, right." He replied quietly.

"It's a game, and you're winning." She laughed. "Anyway, see ya!" And with that she walked off to chat to someone else.

Younghoon then joined him.

"What was my sister talking to you about?" He asked.

"Oh, just how everyone is staring."

"Yeah... I've noticed." He said. He was looking at a group of women who were sitting in the corner of the room, all of their eyes fixated on the two of them with suspicious glares. 

He leaned down to whisper to Chanhee. "Don't look, but my mom's friends are watching us and they seem unconvinced."

Chanhee nodded.

"We need to make this more believable. Follow my lead." He grabbed Chanhee and led him to an empty seat where they sat together. "Now act like all coupley or whatever- I don't know.."

Chanhee intertwined his small hand with Younghoon's larger one.

Younghoon looked over at the group of ladies but they were still eyeing them suspiciously.

"No.. like more-" 

Chanhee moved closer and kissed Younghoon on the cheek.

"Y-Yeah, like that." 

He suddenly felt like his stomach was doing somersaults when he saw the blush on Chanhee's face. Chanhee didn't know what the hell had possessed him to do that but hopefully it would make them look more convincing?

Younghoon glanced over at the group of his mother's friends, and panicked when he saw that his mom was heading over to join them. He couldn't let them tell her about their suspicions. He needed to make it convincing. Like. Now.

So he pulled Chanhee closer, and he kissed him. On the lips. 

After a few moments Chanhee pulled away, not looking at Younghoon.

"I... I need to use the b-bathroom." He stuttered, getting up from the seat. Younghoon saw the pained look in Chanhee's eyes before he stuck on a smile and headed out of the room.

His eyes wandered over to where the women were, and saw them looking at him reassuringly. At least they were happy.

He went looking for Chanhee when he didn't come back after a while, and found him sitting in a hallway, on the floor, hugging his knees and burying his face in them. He looked so small and vulnerable that Younghoon just wanted to give him a hug himself.

"Chanhee?" He said. "What are you doing here?"

Chanhee looked up, and then hid his face again when he saw that it was Younghoon.

"I-I got lost."

"You're crying."

"Yeah well... maybe I cry when I get lost, you never know."

Younghoon slid down the wall and sat down opposite Chanhee.

"Tell me really, why are you crying?" 

No response.

"Please Chanhee."

Nothing.

He took Chanhee's hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Come on, just tell me."

"It's stupid." Chanhee said, finally looking up. He had tears running down his cheeks.

"Doesn't matter."

"W-Well I... I never... that was my f-first kiss a-and... first kisses are supposed to be with someone who.. l-likes you and you don't l-like me like that, I'm s-sorry I panicked I just-"

"You've never kissed anyone before?"

Chanhee nodded.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't even think about it before I did it, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable I was just trying to be convincing."

"I know you didn't mean it."

"You know what, let's go. This party is boring anyway. I'll buy you ice cream to make up for it."

Chanhee smiled.

"Okay."


	5. five

At had been a few days since the incident at the party and the awkward atmosphere between Younghoon and Chanhee had died down. Younghoon's mom had asked for Chanhee to visit next Sunday for dinner when just family would be at the house so that she could spend more time getting to know her son's 'girlfriend'. 

Younghoon and Chanhee had been pretty quiet about the events of the party when it came to Changmin, and it was becoming really irritating because every time Changmin would ask either of them anything about what happened, they would just go quiet and say that nothing interesting happened.

But Changmin was determined to get one of them to spit it out, and he decided that his best target would be Chanhee, because he knew that when Younghoon didn't want to tell you something, there was no way you could get it out of him.

His opportunity came when he and Chanhee were studying in the library one day, Younghoon having gone back to his dorm because he was tired.

"So Chanhee, you know at the party, did people seem convinced?" He asked.

"I guess, yeah. Although some of Mrs. Kim's friends seemed a bit suspicious of us but then Younghoon kissed me and they-"

Chanhee stopped talking when he realized that he'd let it slip.

"He WHAT?" Changmin exclaimed, earning a few disapproving looks from other people studying.

"Shhhh. It wasn't like that, just so that we looked more.. coupley."

Chanhee noticed that Changmin was beginning to pack up his things.

"Are you going?"

"Yeah, see ya!" He yelled, with a wide grin on his face, before practically running out of the library, leaving Chanhee alone.

Changmin was on his way to Younghoon's dorm to interrogate him about this newly discovered information. Finally there was something interesting happening, and Changmin was going to have some fun making it happen.

Meanwhile in the library, Juyeon made his way towards the seat across from Chanhee that Changmin had left vacant, and sat down drinking some coffee. Chanhee looked up from what he was working on and immediately looked back down again when he saw Juyeon staring at him.

"Not even a hello?" Juyeon said.

Chanhee sighed.

"Hello, Juyeon."

"I noticed you've been hanging around with Younghoon and Changmin a lot. What a miracle, the loner finally found some normal people willing to talk to him."

Chanhee didn't respond. Juyeon wanted him to talk back. He wanted him to lash out. He wanted a reaction. 

"Do they know that you're a sissy? Got any dresses in your bag today huh?" 

He grabbed Chanhee's bag from the chair and emptied the contents onto the floor. Thankfully it was just his school books that were in there, but Juyeon gave Chanhee an evil smile and knocked his coffee cup off the table and onto the pile of books, spilling coffee all over them.

Chanhee heard a few snickers coming from the table behind him, and he already knew that it was Bona and her group of friends. He sighed and began picking his books up off the floor, shaking the excess coffee off of them before putting them back into his bag.

"Anyways, later loser." Juyeon said, before standing up and walking off.

"Hey Chanhee." Bona called, making Chanhee look in her direction to recieve a water bottle thrown in his face.

He really really really wanted to throw it back at her, hard, and he almost did, before he collected himself and dropped it on the floor.

"That's bad for the environment." She laughed.

He didn't even look back at her before walking out of the library.

-

Changmin knocked violently on Younghoon's door.

"You better open up, we have important matters to discuss!"

A tired looking Younghoon appeared at the door.

"What do you want Changmin?"

"I know you kissed Chanhee."

Younghoon immediately looked more alert and pulled Changmin inside.

"Did he tell you?" Younghoon asked.

"Yup."

"What did he say?" 

"He said you just did it to 'look more convincing' or something." He gave Younghoon a suspicious grin. "Why, were you hoping he would say something different?"

"No." Younghoon replied.

There was a short silence.

"Well..." Changmin began, "...did you like it?"

Younghoon choked on air at the question.

"What?!"

"It's a simple enough question."

"I- I dont know! It wasn't like that!"

"Did it seem like he liked it?"

Younghoon scoffed.

"No. He cried because of it."

"HUH?! Are you that bad at kissing?"

"No, he cried because it was his first kiss."

"Really? But he's so adorable! How can no one have tried to kiss him by this age?" Changmin said.

"I don't know, I thought so too. He's pretty. And cute. And he's a really kind person. And h-" He stopped, seeing Changmin giving him a mischievous smile. "I don't like him like that."

"I didn't say you did." 

"Good, because I don't. So stop getting ideas."

"Yes sir!" Changmin replied, giving him a mock salute. "By the way, if you guys are gonna carry on with this whole fake girlfriend thing, then won't Chanhee have to get used to doing coupley stuff with you?"

"Well.. I guess."

Changmin was really struggling to maintain his concerned act, and not let his smirk show. He couldn't let Younghoon know that he was up to something.

"Then you guys should practice." He said.

"Practice what?" Younghoon replied.

"You know... holding hands... kissing.."

"No way."

Changmin pouted.

"Aww, is wittle Younghoon's fwagile mascuwinity feewing thweatened? Too scawed to kiss a Chwanhee?" He said, poking Younghoon's cheeks.

"Get off." Younghoon said, pushing his hands away. "Fine. But I'm not going to just randomly tell him 'hey let's practice kissing' or he'll think I'm a fucking weirdo. You have to explain to him."

"Deal." Changmin agreed.

Younghoon sighed. This would be interesting.

"Hey Younghoon, really though, about the kiss, did you like it?" Changmin asked.

"I'm not answering that."

"So that's a yes then. Why else wouldn't you tell me. Definitely a yes."

"Shut up Changmin."


	6. six

Chanhee was on the way back to his dorm from class one day, after having yet again been treated like dirt by Bona, Juyeon and their gang. This time Bona had chosen someone's backpack as her daily item of choice to throw at him, knocking him onto the floor. It had really hurt.

The worst thing was, that he had been stupid enough to accept Juyeon's offer to help him up, just to be pushed back onto the floor again. 

This time they had been especially horrible to him, calling him a 'sissy' and a 'faggot', and someone had even spat in his face.

He did cry this time, but not until after he had left, after he had washed their disgusting spit off his face, after he was well away from where the class was, and near his dorm on the outskirts of campus.

Crying wasn't going to solve anything, he knew that. He didn't want to cry because of them, but he couldn't help it. He kept his head down and continued to walk back towards his dorm, hoping that no one around would notice the tears in his eyes.

"Chanhee?" Said the voice of the exact person Chanhee really didn't want to see him crying again.

He stopped, and saw Younghoon jogging towards him with two large bags by his sides.

Younghoon had already been so nice to him and helped him on many occasions and he really didn't want to make him worried about him. He quickly wiped any excess tears from his face and hoped that Younghoon wouldn't notice the redness in his eyes.

"Hey, what's up?" Younghoon said. 

"Hi Younghoon."

"You look like you have a cold, are you ill?"

"No, I'm just a bit.. tired that's all." he replied.

"Oh, well I've just been to the store to get snacks, me and Changmin are hanging out with his friends at his dorm, you remember Kevin?"

Chanhee nodded.

"Yeah well its just me, Changmin, Kevin and Kevin's uhh... friend. You can join us if you're not too tired."

Chanhee's face immediately lit up.

"I'd love to." He smiled.

Together they walked back to Changmin's dorm without saying too much. Chanhee offered to help Younghoon carry one of the bags but Younghoon wouldn't allow it.

They went into the building, walked upstairs to the second floor and knocked on Changmin's door.

Changmin opened it with a wide smile on his face.

"Chanhee! Come in, come in, I wasn't expecting you here." he said ecstatically. "Younghoon give me the food, I'm starving."

They walked through into Changmin's room to find Kevin and another guy sitting on the floor playing video games.

"Chanhee, this is Jacob, Kevin's boyfriend."

Jacob turned to look at Chanhee.

"Chanhee? Choi Chanhee?"

Chanhee just looked at him in confusion before he recognized him.

"Wait are you... the Jacob from highschool? Jacob Bae?"

Jacob nodded.

"You two went to the same highschool?" Kevin said.

"Well yeah, until I moved schools in senior year." Jacob replied.

"Ok cool so everyone knows each other then." Changmin said.

"Why did you move schools in senior year?" Younghoon asked.

Jacob was silent for a moment.

"Oh... just some bullies."

"It was Bona and Juyeon." Chanhee said.

Jacob looked alarmed.

"They know Bona and Juyeon?" he said to Chanhee.

"They go here." Kevin said.

"What?!"

"Yup." Changmin confirmed.

"Wow okay then I'm glad I didn't get in here. I bet they've chosen another random loser to walk all over."

The other three directed their eyes to Chanhee.

"Uhh.. Jacob I think that 'loser' is standing right in front of you." Changmin said.

"Chanhee? Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean you were a loser-"

"It's fine." Chanhee said.

"Are you okay? W-What have they done to you?"

"I-It's not that bad, really. They're nowhere near as horrible as they were with you."

"Thank goodness."

"What did they do to Jacob?" Changmin asked.

"Changmin, I don't think Jacob wants to talk about it." Younghoon said. Indeed, the troubled look on Jacob's face showed that it wasn't something that he wanted to remember.

"Oh, okay. Anyways, here's the snacks!" Changmin said, putting the shopping bags down on the table. They were both packed full of food, enough for a whole party let alone 5 people to eat.

"Did we really need that much Younghoon?" Kevin asked.

"Yes. We do." Changmin answered, already taking out a bag of cheetos. Younghoon rolled his eyes at him. Changmin always made him buy all the food and then ate most of it himself. 

They all sat down on the carpet because there was only space for 3 at the table, and ate their snacks.

"Hey guys, so like, how did meeting Younghoon's family go? Did they buy it?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah, I think so." Chanhee said.

"I knew they would, you looked so convincing."

Changmin giggled.

"They put on a pretty convincing act too." he said, wiggling his eyebrows. Chanhee's cheeks flushed pink in embarassment, and Changmin earned a scowl from Younghoon.

"What do you mean?" Kevin asked.

"They," he blurted out in between giggles, "They kissed."

Kevin's eyes widened.

"REALLY?! Like just for show? Or-"

"Just for show Kevin." Younghoon said sternly.

"Oh.."

"Yeah, and afterwards Chanhee cried-" Changmin didn't get to finish his sentence because Chanhee had pushed him over.

"Hey! They don't need to know that part." Chanhee said, embarassed.

"Cry baby." Changmin replied, giggling. Younghoon was laughing too. He hated to admit it but it was kind of fun to tease Chanhee because... he looked cute when he was blushing.

"Why did you cry Chanhee?" Jacob asked in a concerned tone.

"Because it was his first ki-" Younghoon began, before Chanhee tackled him to the ground to silence him. Being the stronger of the two, Younghoon was obviously able to pin Chanhee down underneath him in no time. He turned to look back at Jacob. "His first kiss." 

When he looked back down at Chanhee underneath him, he saw his blushing face and realized the compromising position they were in, immediately getting off him. He definitely hadn't saved that image in his head for later use.

"Well guys," Changmin said, giving Younghoon a knowing smile, "Maybe if you practised being intimate with each other, Chanhee wouldn't feel so uncomfortable? Just to make it more convincing of course."

Kevin caught on almost immediately.

"Yeah, that's actually a really good idea Changmin. What do you think Jacob?" he said, nudging him.

"Oh uhh... yeah, yeah good idea."

"Well I mean if Chanhee's okay with that..." Younghoon said hesitantly.

"Sure. I-If it makes it more believable, then I'll do it." Chanhee agreed.

"Go on then. Do it." Changmin said.

"Wh- N-Now?" Chanhee stuttered.

"Why not? Go on. You do it this time. Kiss Younghoon."

"I don't even know how t-"

"We can help you with that, can't we Jacob?" Kevin said.

"Oooh! A demonstration!" Changmin squealed.

"Okay lets start simple." said Kevin. He sat facing Jacob, and put his hands on his shoulders. "Follow along, come on." he said to Chanhee.

Chanhee sat opposite Younghoon and shakily put his hands on his shoulders. Their eyes met for a splitsecond before they both looked away again.

"No, you idiots. Look at each other." Kevin said. So they did. "Now just lean in and-" Kevin connected his lips with Jacob's. "-like that!" he said, pulling away.

Chanhee leaned in, but he stopped.

"I-I can't do it with you all here st-staring at me." he pouted.

The other three boys in the room sighed. Younghoon let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"Well when you have to do this in front of Younghoon's family you're goinna have to deal with people looking at you." Changmin said. "But since you're not used to it yet, fine, lets go outside guys." he dragged Kevin and Jacob out with him.

When they had left, Younghoon spoke.

"You know, you don't have to do it Chanhee. I know how pushy they are, I can just say you did-"

"I want to do it." He blushed furiously. "N-No I mean... it's gonna help us be more convincing right? So I want to do it."

"If you're sure." Younghoon said.

"Yes." Chanhee replied.

He leaned in again, not being able to look Younghoon in the eyes so he closed his, and connected their lips.

When Chanhee was about to pull away, Younghoon cupped Chanhee's face with his hands, and stopped him from doing so. The kiss lasted a few seconds longer before Younghoon's common sense caught up with him and he pulled away. 

Chanhee's cheeks were so pink it looked like he might explode.

Younghoon forced himself not to stare at his lips, which were now even pinker from kissing him.

"I'm gonna... go now. Back to my dorm." He said. "See ya."

He walked out the door, passing the other three who were waiting outside.

"See you guys tomorrow, okay?" he shouted as he walked away.

When he got back to his dorm, he flopped onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling. 

"I don't like him like that." he said to himself. "I don't." 

Then why can't you control yourself when you kiss him?


	7. seven

Younghoon was walking around his family's house wondering where Chanhee had gone off to. It was the day that his mother had asked Chanhee to come over for dinner when only family members would be there. 

The last he'd seen him, Chanhee had been talking to his grandmother, so he assumed that they had probably gone for a walk in the gardens or something. His grandmother loved to show people her flowers. Dinner had already finished so he decided to go and spend some time with his mother and sister.

Indeed, Chanhee was in the gardens with Younghoon's grandmother. She was an elderly woman, maybe in her 70s-80s, and she used a wheelchair.

When the two were going up a slight slope in the garden, Chanhee offered to push the wheelchair from behind but she stopped him.

"That's very polite of you dear, but I can do it. If I wanted to be lazy I could've bought one of those fancy electric wheelchairs." She laughed.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize my dear, you were only trying to help."

They carried on walking for a while.

"I must say, your dress is quite lovely. Did my grandson buy it for you?"

In fact, Younghoon had bought him another dress. Three other dresses to be precise. He figured that if they were going to be keeping this act up for a while, then Chanhee needed to have more than one outfit or his mother would smell a rat.

The dress Chanhee was currently wearing was a light blue summer dress that went down to just below his knees. It had flower patterns on it too. Chanhee would be lying if he said he didn't like it.

"Yes, he did." he answered.

"I thought so. With the amount of time that boy spends staring at you he's bound to know exactly what suits you."

"He stares at me?" Chanhee asked.

"Well, I'll admit I haven't spent much time with the both of you, but during the time that I have, he hasn't been able to keep his eyes off of you."

Chanhee couldn't help blushing. He knew it was part of the act, but somewhere deep down, a small part of him hoped that maybe it wasn't.

"Chanhee dear," She said, coming to a halt. Chanhee turned to face her. "You're a beautiful girl, with such a sweet personality. You're practically all a man wants, and I must say my grandson is clearly head over heels for you."

Chanhee just nodded.

"I know he can he stubborn at times, and might not tell you it as often as he should, but he loves you. I can see it in the way he looks at you."

The blush on Chanhee's cheeks got bigger.

"...And from your reaction to that, I can tell that you do too." She smiled.

They turned and started making their way back to the house.

"You'll make a good wife." Younghoon's grandmother said.

Chanhee froze. Then she started laughing.

"...I'm only joking dear, you shouldn't rush into things. Live your life while you're young. I married at 20 and I've regretted it ever since." She leaned closer to him to whisper. "And - keep this between you and me - but no matter how much his mother pressures you two about getting married, don't mind her. All she wants is a grandchild to carry on the family name." She chuckled to herself. "I suspect you two will have 'done the deed' anyway by now, that's the norm these days."

Chanhee nearly choked on air.

"Don't be so uptight dear, I'm only teasing you. I know you don't want to talk about these things with an old soul like me."

They soon reached the house again and went together to the living room where Younghoon was sitting with his mother and sister.

"Ah, Chanhee darling, come sit." Mrs. Kim said, patting the space next to her. Chanhee walked over and sat down with her.

"We were just talking about how nice it'd be if you came along to Jangmi's birthday celebrations in Taiwan. The guest list is already full but I'm sure the airline will make room on the flight for you... for a little extra money of course." She laughed.

"When's your birthday?" Chanhee asked Younghoon's sister, Jangmi.

"In a month or so. We'll be staying in Taiwan for 2 nights." 

"Guys, she can't decide right now, just give her some time to think and I'll tell you whether or not she's coming later." Younghoon said.

Chanhee smiled at him. Younghoon understood that this was totally not what Chanhee had signed up for. Spending a couple hours with his family was one thing, but going all the way to Taiwan with them for a weekend was completely different.

"Okay then darling. You know Chanhee, we own our own resort over there, it has a private beach and everything. Although I'm sure you're used to that since your family probably owns similar places in Europe." Mrs. Kim said.

"Oh, yes, they do." Chanhee replied nervously.

"I'd love to visit sometime. Perhaps one of them would be a great place for a wedding reception." She said, winking at Younghoon.

"Mom!" Younghoon exclaimed.

"What? You've been together for a few years, surely you'll be thinking of it sometime soon?"

"Leave them be dear." Younghoon's grandmother butted in. "Things have changed, people aren't so quick to marry these days. Don't you wish you would've lived your life a bit before you settled down?" 

Mrs. Kim sighed.

"I suppose."

"We'd better be going, mom." Younghoon said. "It's getting late."

"Oh, alright then. See you soon!" she waved as Younghoon and Chanhee got up to leave. 

During the car ride back to campus, Younghoon decided to reassure Chanhee about the whole Taiwan situation.

"You don't have to come you know. I can just say you weren't feeling well enough or something. I know its a lot to ask from you-"

"I'd quite like to come actually." Chanhee said.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I've never been to Taiwan before. I've never even been outside of Korea before."

"Well then if you want to that's great! I uhh... I actually did want you to come but I didn't want to pressure you or anything. I hate these kind of family events. I could really use someone to talk to other than douchebag rich guys and my sister's annoying friends."

"I think you'd fit right in with the douchebag rich guys." Chanhee joked.

"Well I think you'd fit right in with my sister's annoying friends." Younghoon replied.

"And why's that?" Chanhee asked with a frown.

"They may be annoying, but they're all pretty like you."


	8. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> t/w for this chapter uhh,,, bullying, i guess sexual harassment¿ but not rape

It was late one evening and Chanhee had nothing to do, so he decided to take a walk around campus before going to bed. He enjoyed spending time alone, but to his dismay he heard footsteps running up behind him and then felt an arm wrap around his shoulder.

Two girls, one of whom he recognized as Luda, Bona's friend, had come up either side of him.

"Hey Chanhee!" Luda said.

"Umm, hi Luda." 

"Hey, me and the gang are having a party at Bona's dorm, wanna come?"

Chanhee didn't know what to say.

Why would he want to come?

"Um actually I have some work to do, sorry."

Luda stopped walking.

"Wrong answer."

"I-"

"C'mon, it'll be fun!" she said, grabbing him by the arm. "Bona really wants you to come, you don't wanna upset her do you?"

Chanhee gave her a pleading look, to which he recieved no sympathy.

"N-No..."

"Well come on then!" she said, pulling him along behind her towards Bona's dorm. Chanhee felt like sinking into the ground.

When they arrived, the door was opened by Bona, who took one look at Chanhee, gave him one of her fake smiles and pulled him through the doorway.

"Hey guys, we have a special guest tonight!" she shouted, shoving Chanhee into the room. "We were just playing Roomies."

Roomies was a game that was always played at parties on campus. It was a mixture of Spin The Bottle and 7 Minutes In Heaven, except the latter part was a lot longer than 7 minutes. 

Basically, they would spin the bottle to determine which two people spent the night together in one of their rooms, hence the name 'Roomies'. And obviously, this often ended in very interesting scenarios. 

"Wanna play Chanhee?" Bona asked.

"N-No, I'm fine."

"Aww come onnn, if you come to a party you gotta play Roomies." someone else shouted.

"I don't really want t-"

"You're playing." Juyeon said. He winked at Bona.

Chanhee joined the circle and sat down in defeat. He just prayed to God that he wasn't paired up with Bona or Juyeon.

After a few rounds, only a few people were still left in the game, which unfortunately still included both of the people who Chanhee didn't want to end up with.

Bona spun the bottle and it landed on Juyeon. She smirked at him and spun it again.

It had clearly landed on the girl sitting next to Chanhee, but Bona blew in suddenly so that it stopped at Chanhee. She gave him an accomplished look.

"Y-You cheated. You blew it." Chanhee mumbled.

"Hmm? No I didn't, did I Juyeon?"

"No. She didn't." 

Chanhee was bewildered. Why did she want him to spend the night with HER boyfriend? 

"Well that settles it then. Bye you two! Look after him for me, won't you Chanhee?"

Chanhee felt like crying as he followed Juyeon out of Bona's dorm and towards his own. When they got inside, Chanhee stood nervously by the doorway, debating whether or not he could just make a run for it.

"Sooo Chanhee," Juyeon said, taking his jacket off. "Whatcha wanna do?"

"I- I'm a bit t-tired actually... can I just go back to my dorm? I won't tell anyone we didn't play the game properly." 

"Oh? But that wouldn't be fair. Everyone else is playing properly." 

He walked towards Chanhee, way too close for Chanhee's liking. 

"I think it would be much better if we had a little fun tonight."

"J-Juyeon I-" 

Juyeon pulled Chanhee away from the door, and then turned and locked it.

"Wouldn't want any burglars breaking in, am I right?"

Chanhee took his shoes off and put them down neatly.

Juyeon walked past Chanhee who was standing in the middle of the room, and sat on the end of his bed facing him.

"Strip."

"...W-What?" Chanhee couldn't have heard that right.

"Strip. Take your clothes off."

"B-But I-"

Juyeon got up and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Do it. Now."

"Y-You have a girlfriend!" Chanhee protested.

"So what? She's probably getting fucked by some other guy from the party right now anyway, I don't care. We have a very open relationship." 

"I- I don't-"

"You don't what? Hmm?" Juyeon interjected. "I'll tell you what you don't want to do, you don't want me to get angry, do you? Because you wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

Chanhee hung his head in defeat as Juyeon sat back down on the bed.

"Now strip."

Chanhee slowly began to remove his pants, unable to control his trembling as Juyeon stared him down.

"I'm waiting." Juyeon said exasperatingly.

Chanhee struggled to unbutton his shirt with his shaking hands, but did it eventually and dropped it onto the floor along with his pants. 

Juyeon smirked at him.

"I don't think you're finished."

Chanhee just stood there, frozen, willing himself not to cry.

"Oh, so you need some help?" Juyeon said, getting up from the bed again. He walked up to Chanhee and wiped a stray tear from his cheek. "You know I've always liked how pretty you are. But you're even prettier when you cry." He chuckled, then walked back to the bed again. "Now take it off or I'll do it for you." 

Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, Chanhee slowly pushed down the waistband of his underwear, doing the best he could to cover himself with his hands.

"Thank you." Juyeon said, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "Now, on your knees."

Chanhee's shaky legs just did as they were told, Chanhee not even daring to look up at Juyeon. Juyeon walked closer and started unzipping his pants. 

Then Chanhee realized his intentions.

"No." he said quitely. "Please Juyeon. Just let me go back to my dorm." He burst into tears.

At that moment, if Chanhee had looked up, he would've seen the pang of guilt in Juyeon's eyes, but he didn't.

"F-Fine." Juyeon said coldly, turning away from Chanhee. "Go. You're just a sissy anyway." 

Chanhee scrambled up off the floor and quickly pulled on his pants and shirt, and slipped on his shoes.

Juyeon unlocked the door and let Chanhee out.

Chanhee hesitated a bit before leaving.

"Um... well.. th-thank you. For not- you know."

He did see the hint of guilt behind Juyeon's eyes this time.

"Don't thank people when they treat you like shit!" Juyeon shouted angrily.

"S-Sorry."

"And don't apologize either! You just let me order you around like a fucking prostitute and you're apologizing to me? Stand up for yourself for once!"

"Ok-kay."

"I'll give you one chance. Whatever you want to say to me right now, say it. No matter how horrible it is. I know you hate me, and you have a right to."

Chanhee's lip quivered as he let the rage he had for Juyeon out of the box he'd put it in in his brain. He didn't say anything to him.

He slapped him across the face.

Juyeon staggered back in disbelief.

"I... probably deserved that didn't I."

Chanhee started to walk away back to his dorm.

"Hey Chanhee!" Juyeon called out to him. Chanhee stopped and looked back.

"...I'm sorry. For all the things I do. Just know that."

Chanhee just turned and walked away without replying.

Yeah right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY FOR WRITING LUDA, BONA AND JUYEON AS BAD PEOPLE IN THIS BOOK,,, IF YOU DONT KNOW WJSN'S BONA AND LUDA THEN JUST KNOW THEY'RE NOTHING LIKE THIS, THEY'RE LOVELY GIRLIES ♡♡♡ AND I ASSUME IF YOU'RE READING THIS BOOK YOU'RE A DEOBI AND YOU KNOW THAT JUYEON ISNT LIKE THIS AT ALL, IM SO SORRYYY


	9. nine

It was the day after the incident with Juyeon that Chanhee began to think it was way worse than he'd thought.

He had stayed behind in the library one day to finish up some work, when he heard giggling from the usual suspects at Bona's table. He ignored it, until he heard his name, and when he looked up he was greeted with all of them staring at him in amusement.

He got up and left, but not before a voice yelled "Nice ass Chanhee" and the whole table erupted into laughter again.

On another occasion, two boys who Chanhee had never met before came up to him one day, talking about how Chanhee should go back to their dorm with them for a 'good time'. Seeing what they were up to, he politely declined, which they weren't too happy about. 

Sure, they called him names and all the usual stuff, but the thing that shocked Chanhee was one of the boys' remarks about him being 'a slut for Juyeon', but not them.

"W-Wait what?" Chanhee had asked.

"Yeah, Bona showed us the video. Who knew you'd be so willing to strip for a guy who's taken." the other guy laughed.

"What... video?"

The two guys looked at each other, and then back at Chanhee.

"...I think you should go ask Bona or Juyeon about that." they said, before swiftly leaving.

Chanhee immediately stormed to the library in search of Bona, who was sitting at her table surrounded by her group of friends, as usual. Chanhee took a deep breath before approaching her.

"Bona." he said. She looked up from her phone.

"Do you need something?" she replied rudely.

"Can I t-talk to you for a minute?" He cursed himself for stuttering. 

An evil look appeared in her eyes.

"Of course you can." She got up and waved back to her friends. "Be back in a minute guys." She winked.

They left the library, and once there were no people around, Chanhee spoke.

"S-Someone told me about a video and-"

"Oh you mean this video?" she said, handing him her phone. Chanhee nearly dropped it when he saw. As he had feared, it was a video of himself stripping in front of Juyeon.

"You made it a whole lot easier than I thought it'd be. You're that much of a slut that you just strip when Juyeon tells you to? I expected him to have to hit you or something but you just did it straight away."

"Wh-Who have you shown that to?"

"Oh just a few people." She smirked. "Don't worry, I haven't shown it to your two new friends."

Chanhee was visibly relieved.

"I wonder what they'd think of you." she said. "Imagine finding out that one of your friends is a slut who tries to seduce other people's boyfriends."

"I didn't-"

"Younghoon especially. You like him don't you, Chanhee? I'm not stupid, I see right through you. But if he ever found out, he would never like a dirty little faggot like you."

That had hurt.

"W-What do you want Bona?" he said, on the verge of tears.

At that moment Juyeon came out of the library towards them.

"Leave him, Bona. You got your 'blackmail material' or whatever it was you wanted so just let him be for now."

Bona looked appalled.

"Are you taking his side?" she said.

"No, I'm not taking any side I'm just being reasonable-" 

"You are on his side! What's wrong with you?"

"Bona listen-"

"Seems like the sissy really did seduce you huh? Are you turning into a faggot yourself now? Ugh!" She stormed back into the library leaving Juyeon and Chanhee behind.

Juyeon moved closer.

"Chanhee-" he said, reaching out his hand.

"Don't touch me." Chanhee snapped. "It was the plan to record that video the whole time, wasn't it?"

Juyeon nodded.

"After all that apologizing you did, this is what you were doing?! I thought you actually felt bad, but I guess people never change." 

Chanhee was crying now, too full of anger to even think about what he was saying. All of the fear that he had for Juyeon was forgotten about.

He kicked him in the shin. Hard. Chanhee wasn't that strong, however it did catch Juyeon off guard.

"Don't EVER," Chanhee yelled, "think you can do something so horrible to me, and then act like a hero when it's YOUR fault. I HATE you."

And with that he ran off, out of campus, his legs taking him to the only place where he knew he would feel safe at that moment.

When he arrived, he knocked on the door to Younghoon's apartment, and practically threw himself at Younghoon as soon as he opened it.

"Ch-Chanhee? Wha- Are you crying?"

Chanhee had his arms wrapped tightly around Younghoon's back, sobbing onto his chest.

"Okay, just calm down, let's go inside." Younghoon said softly, closing the door behind Chanhee.

Chanhee unwrapped himself from Younghoon and followed him inside.

Younghoon's apartment was nice. It wasn't much bigger than Chanhee's dorm on campus, but it felt spacious and cozy at the same time. He had been here before, but only a couple of times when Changmin was there, never when it was just the two of them.

Younghoon sat on the couch and gestured for Chanhee to sit with him. Chanhee sat down and immediately started bawling his eyes out again.

"What's the matter?" Younghoon asked. "I mean... you don't have to tell me." 

Chanhee hugged him tightly and hid his face in his chest again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Younghoon persisted.

Chanhee shook his head.

"That's okay. Whatever it is, it's okay to cry, just let it all out. I won't judge you."

Eventually Chanhee calmed down and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He gave Younghoon a small smile.

"Thank you." he said.

"It's fine, really. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I'll be here for you, and I won't force you to talk about it if you don't want to."

"I should go..." Chanhee said, getting up from the couch.

"Wait-" Younghoon stopped him, grabbing his arm. "Well.. I just... since you're here, maybe we should... you know... practice?"

"Practice? ...Oh." Chanhee replied, realizing what Younghoon meant. "I don't really think you'd want to be kissing me right now, I'm all disgusting from crying."

"What if I don't mind?" Younghoon said boldly. "I- I mean uhh... it's fine you uh.. you're fine. Unless you don't want to right now, that's okay." 

"N-No it's okay... just- just do it." Chanhee sat back down and closed his eyes as Younghoon took a deep breath and leaned in to connect their lips.

This kiss was slow and sweet and lasted for what felt like hours. Younghoon put a hand to Chanhee's cheek and wiped away remnants of tears. He could taste the salt from them on Chanhee’s lips. He kissed until he couldn’t breathe and had to pull away from him, but not completely. Their breaths mingled together as they gazed at one another, full attention on the other person.

With gentle hands Younghoon maneuvered Chanhee to lay down on the couch, hovering above him with his knees either side of him. They both knew this was unnecessary, that they wouldn't have to go this far to convince anyone, but neither of them wanted to stop. Chanhee took a deep breath to distract his mind from focusing on how close together they were. Younghoon's hand caught his and gave it a squeeze. The size of Younghoon, hovering over him, made Chanhee feel very small all of a sudden, but he didn't feel threatened at all.

Chanhee trembled when Younghoon's free hand cupped his cheek. The press of Younghoon's palm was too hot on his flushed skin, burning like a brand, and Chanhee was almost scared that if Younghoon was to pull his hand away, the shape of his fingers would be left behind like an imprint of his shame, a reminder that deep down he doesn't want Younghoon to let go.

Chanhee's chest heaved as the rush of feelings overwhelmed him. Younghoon was inching closer, dark eyes fixed on his mouth, and his breath was on Chanhee's lips and it was too much, too much. Chanhee turned his head at the last second, his cheek moving from Younghoon's palm and the cool air where it had lingered suddenly stung.

It took every ounce of self-control he had to keep still.

Chanhee saw Younghoon's shoulders sag, and refused to think about Younghoon being in some way disappointed. Younghoon's huff of laughter was tight as he pulled away again.

"What happened?"

The words trembled through Chanhee's cheek, almost like he could bite down on them. But Chanhee didn’t have an answer for him. It’s not as though he could say I think I'm falling for you, as true as it may be.

“Not now,” is what Chanhee managed to force out. Younghoon sighed through his nose. “I just... w-we can practice tomorrow."

Younghoon drew back and tilted his head at him. Chanhee met his eyes resolutely, though his face was still burning.

"It's fine... I'm sorry I took it a bit far-" Younghoon apologized, getting off him.

"No it's not your fault... I should go." Chanhee said, making his way towards the door.

"See you tomorrow." Younghoon called out, before Chanhee left and closed the door behind himself.

Chanhee leaned against the door and let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"No way I'm catching feelings for him. I can't."


	10. ten

Tomorrow came around too quickly for Chanhee to get his head together. He had been up all night stressing over what his feelings towards Younghoon were, and he still hadn't come to a conclusion. 

Chanhee had never even really liked anyone seriously before so he didn't know what it was meant to be like. When he was in high school his friends would keep asking him who he liked, and he would always answer "no one" because that was the truth. Of course they didn't believe him and thought he was just too shy to tell them, so they kept pestering him about it until he decided to lie and tell them that he liked a girl in their class called Meiqi. 

She was from China, and she was so pretty that all the boys had crushes on her, so it was a pretty believable lie.

What Chanhee didn't expect though, was his friends asking Meiqi out for him, and what he definitely didn't expect was for Meiqi to say yes.

It didn't last long though. Within a couple of days, Chanhee came clean to Meiqi when they were walking home from school one day, and told her that he had only said he liked her so that his friends would stop bugging him.

To his surprise, Meiqi seemed relieved to hear this, and confessed that she had actually only said yes because her friends had told her to. 

Then she told him a secret that she had never dared to tell any of her friends. 

She liked girls.

Chanhee told her that he didn't know what he liked, because as far as he was concerned he had never actually liked anyone.

That was when Meiqi gave him a piece of advice that had always stuck with him:

"Once you do like someone, you'll know it."

But that didn't seem to help at all in Chanhee's current situation.

He'd know it? He didn't know anything. What was that even supposed to mean?

He sighed and flopped down onto his bed.

Great advice Meiqi. Thanks a lot.

Then he remembered what he was doing and rushed to get ready to go to Younghoon's apartment. 

On the walk there, Chanhee bumped into Jacob. He often came to visit Kevin on weekends because he went to a different university nearby. 

"Oh, hey Chanhee."

"Hi Jacob."

Chanhee shifted his eyes to the ground.

"Can I umm... can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure. Do you want to go get a coffee or something?" Jacob asked.

"Oh- no I don't want to waste your time, we can just talk here."

"Alright." Jacob walked to a nearby bench and sat down, with Chanhee joining him.

"So what's up? I'm all ears."

Chanhee sighed.

"Well, you know that Bona and Juyeon... pick on people a lot.."

"That's one way to put it." Jacob said.

"...And recently it's been me that they pick on.."

Jacob nodded.

"Well... it wasn't really that bad until- until yesterday they did something... really really bad."

"H-How bad? Like what they did to me?" 

What they did to Jacob. It was part of the reason why Chanhee was so afraid of them and didn't dare to lash out at them in retaliation. He didn't want the same thing to happen to him. 

Back in highschool, there had been a party. It was Bona's birthday party, and every year it was like the event of the year. Everyone went, even Chanhee who didn't even like parties that much.

One year during this party, there was unfortunately a lot of underaged drinking involved. And that was where the trouble began.

No one really knew exactly what happened, because the booze wasn't that strong, but someone had probably spiked Jacob's drink because he did a lot of things that night that he would never do even if he had drunken a few beers.

A lot of things with Juyeon, to be precise. And Juyeon had - accidentally - livestreamed it all. 

Of course no one judged Juyeon for what happened that night. Everyone knew that he was with Bona. He was just a little tipsy, these things happen when you're drunk. But things were a lot different for Jacob. Bona had spread the lie that Jacob deliberately tried to seduce Juyeon, that he was trying to ruin their relationship because he liked Juyeon. And of course everyone believed her because she was Bona and why would she lie? People hated Jacob for it, and some of the things people would say to him were disgusting.

A few days later, Jacob moved schools, and no one had really heard from him since then.

Until just recently, when Chanhee had discovered that he was none other than Kevin's boyfriend.

"N-Not really- I mean... kind of-" Chanhee replied.

Jacob grabbed onto his shoulders.

"Oh my- Are you okay? Did they hurt you?"

"N-No."

"What did they do?"

"Juyeon..." Chanhee couldn't finish his sentence.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I know how hard it can be."

"I d-do want to tell you. J-Juyeon.. He- he made me... strip. In front of him. And he tried to- B-But I begged him not to and he didn't- But he was filming. And now Bona has that video..."

"God I hate them-"

"I don't know what to do Jacob! I don't know what Bona wants but Juyeon said something about blackmailing me. And I really don't want the video to get out..." 

"I'm not really sure how I can help you with this, but, if you have no one else to talk to about it I'll be here for you whenever." Jacob stood up. "I'd better get going, Kevin will be waiting for me."

Chanhee nodded.

"Yeah me too."

Jacob gave him a sly smile.

"Going to see Younghoon?"

"How did you know?"

"Just a hunch. Anyways, don't worry about things too much, you have friends who can help you, and if you can't talk to them about it then you have me. I know what it feels like, and I know that sometimes you just need someone to vent to."

"Thank you Jacob."

"No problem."

And with that they went their separate ways.


	11. eleven

Chanhee stood in front Younghoon's door, a small part of him thinking about just walking away and pretending he forgot all about going to see him today.

However, he took a deep breath and forced himself to knock on the door.

A few seconds later, a quite disheveled looking Younghoon appeared at the door, smiling.

"Hi, sorry I look like death, I couldn't sleep that much last night for some reason." he laughed.

"Y-You look fine." Chanhee mumbled. 

"Changmin's here by the way." 

"Oh."

"He says that... maybe it'll be better if we practice with someone watching - we're going to have to do it with people watching anyway."

"Okay sure, I'll try." Chanhee agreed, although internally he wanted to die of embarrassment.

He followed Younghoon inside to where Changmin was sitting eating popcorn.

"Sup Chanhee." Changmin said, looking up from the TV. "Ready to get all lovey-dovey?" He giggled. 

Younghoon threw a cushion at his head. 

"Shut up, this is serious."

"Yes sir." Changmin sat up straight and gave Younghoon a mock salute.

Younghoon rolled his eyes.

Chanhee stood there awkwardly until Changmin spoke again.

"Well go on then you two, kiss."

Younghoon leaned in, startling Chanhee who wasn't ready and jumped back in surprise.

"Oh- s-sorry I-"

"It's alright." Younghoon reassured him.

Changmin sighed impatiently.

"Get on with it."

"Yeah okay Changmin." Younghoon replied exasperatedly. 

He turned to face Chanhee again, who was looking at the floor shyly. He lifted Chanhee's head up by his chin, which just made the pink shade of Chanhee's cheeks even worse.

"Maybe if you close your eyes it won't be so bad? 

Chanhee nodded and shut his eyes.

Younghoon put both hands on his face, one on either side, his touch soft and tender. He stares down at Chanhee. 

"Okay," he said, "Well, I’m gonna do it now, so-"

"Just do it please," Chanhee said in return. Younghoon shouldn’t be this awkward. It didn’t make any sense. He’d probably kissed lots of people, way more than Chanhee, and anyways this wasn’t even a real kiss. It’s just a practice kiss. With Chanhee, who wasn't all that interesting to begin with. 

But finally, Younghoon leaned down, and Chanhee’s heart sped up even more when Younghoon’s lips brushed his.

His touch was still too soft and hesitant, though. Chanhee wrapped his arms around Younghoon's neck in an attempt to speed things up, and, finally, Younghoon started to move.

Chanhee had never kissed anyone but Younghoon before. Therefore, he had nothing to compare this kiss to.

However, it felt like Younghoon was a pretty damn good kisser, because there was a part of his brain that didn't want him to ever stop. 

Both of their breaths started to come faster as Chanhee tugged Younghoon closer, closer, closer. Suddenly, though, Younghoon pulled back.

"Well," Younghoon said, voice breathy, "I, uh, I think that’s enough practice for now." 

Huh. Chanhee had never seen Younghoon like this, either: red-cheeked, hair messy, breathless. Younghoon’s pretty hot, Chanhee thought, and then banished the thought from his mind altogether. It was called fake dating for a reason. 

"I think that went pretty okay," Chanhee said, and then realized his voice was all breathy too. How humiliating. He wanted to crawl inside a ditch and never emerge again.

But Younghoon - Younghoon was looking at him with an expression he’d never seen on Younghoon’s face before. His eyes were wide, cheeks still red, and he was biting down on his lip. He shook his head suddenly.

"Yeah, I think we’ll be good," Younghoon said. "I… I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick."

Chanhee was left behind in the room with Changmin.

"Wow." Changmin said. "You two almost fooled me with that. Are you suuuure you're not dating?" He teased.

"Of course we aren't." Chanhee laughed. "Besides, does he even like guys?" 

Changmin grinned.

"Something tells me he does."

-

Later that day, when Chanhee had gone home, Younghoon and Changmin were talking.

"I think I really like him, Changmin. For real." Younghoon sighed.

"Who, Chanhee?"

"Yeah."

"Fucking finally."

"What?"

"You two are so dumb. Just date already, it's so obvious you like each other?" Changmin said.

"You think he likes me?"

"Are you blind? No one would be down to practice kissing with some person they don't even like, that's weird. They would only agree to that if they liked you."

Younghoon thought for a moment.

"But... we practiced kissing together back in highschool. We didn't like each other like that."

Changmin froze.

"N-No but... that's... that's different." He stood up. "I should get going... I have an assignment to do."

"Oh okay, see ya."

-

On the way back to his own dorm, Changmin passed Chanhee sitting at bench, and decided to join him.

"Hey Chanhee, can I ask your advice on something?"

Chanhee nodded.

"Sure, go ahead."

"Well... I like someone. And I've liked them for a long time but... I know that they're not interested. S-So I tried to... get them together with someone else, hoping that I would get over them... and now they like that person, which should be a good thing, right? But it hurts."

There was a brief silence.

"How do you know they're not interested in you? If you've known them for such a long time, then you're probably too close to them for them to have ever even thought about you in that way. And even if they do like another person, that doesn't mean they won't fall for you eventually."

"I don't think they will..."

Chanhee thought about it.

"Well then... if it hurts you so much seeing that they like someone else... you brought them together right? So maybe, you could, split them apart?" 

Changmin raised his eyebrows.

"Wait no- that's mean- What I meant is-"

"You're too nice Chanhee."

"-Oh. I am?"

"One of these days, someone's going to take advantage of you."


	12. twelve

"How am I meant to know?"

"I dunno..."

"Wait! Isn't that his friend?"

"Oh yeah!"

"Ji Changmin!" The owner of one of the voices yelled.

Changmin turned to see who was calling him. It was Luda.

"Hey, you're friends with Choi Chanhee right?" she asked.

Changmin nodded.

"I guess so."

Luda shuffled her feet nervously.

"Do you umm... happen to know if there's anyone he likes?"

Changmin raised his eyebrows.

"Wait, you like Chanhee?" 

"W-Well I..." She mumbled. "Yes."

Changmin thought for a moment.

"Uhh... well I think there might be someone that he's kinda into, but I don't really know if he seriously likes them or not, so you might have a chance."

"Really?! Who is it?!?!? Tell me pleeeaaase!" Luda exclaimed.

Changmin leaned forwards to whisper in her ear.

"Kim Younghoon."

Luda acted taken aback, and thanked Changmin before letting him go on his way.

What Changmin didn't see, though, was the devilish grin on her face as soon as she turned away.

"Bona has to hear this." 

-

"Hey! Chanhee!"

Chanhee stopped walking. He hated that voice, but there was no point in running from it.

"Bona."

She winked at him mischievously.

"Sooo... I've heard that you really do have a little crush on Kim Younghoon."

"W-What?"

"It's a shame, he's a nice guy. I doubt he'd be into you if he found out what a little slut you are."

"I don't have a c-crush on him." Chanhee said.

"Oh? So you wouldn't mind if he happened to see that video then?" Bona replied, getting out her phone and beginning to type something.

"No!" Chanhee exclaimed.

"No?" She smirked. "Well I guess you'll have to do me a favor then."

Chanhee sighed in despair.

"...What is it?"

Bona smiled.

"I've been hearing from a few people that they've seen Jacob Bae around campus recently, would you know anything about that? I'd love to talk to him."

Chanhee bit his lip.

"No. I haven't seen him since highschool."

"Really? Because someone told me they saw you with him a couple days ago."

"O-Oh."

"Could you bring me to him? But don't tell him of course, it's gotta be a surprise."

There was a silence.

"I don't want to do that." Chanhee mumbled.

"You what?"

"I don't want to do that." He repeated clearly.

Bona laughed.

"Did I say you had a choice?"

"L-Leave Jacob alone. Haven't you and Juyeon already made his life miserable once? I'll do anything else you want, but I won't help you bully people."

"Why do you have to make everything so difficult?" Bona sighed. "Fine. Do what you want, but just remember that I'll always have this video, and if you ever do anything I don't like, I'm just one tap away from ruining your life. I'm giving you a chance this one time, but you better not say no to me again."

"Th-Thank you Bona." Chanhee mumbled, not wanting to look her in the eyes.

"Oh don't thank me. You'll pay for this."

-

The next few days Chanhee was constantly on edge wondering what Bona had meant when she said that, but by the time a week had gone by he had practically forgotten about it altogether. 

That was, until he turned a corner one day and found himself being grabbed by a pair of large hands and pulled into a side-street. 

"Wh-What are you doing? Get off-" he yelled, struggling.

"Shut up unless you want me to knock you out." A voice said.

"This him?" Another voice asked.

"Pretty sure."

"Hey kid." One of them said. "What's your name?"

Chanhee panicked.

"Ch-Changmin. Ji Changmin."

"Idiot." He whispered to the other guy. "You grabbed the wrong one."

"No, here's his picture see? Unless they just look the same-"

"Shut up you two. He's lying." It was a third voice. "Look, his ID. Choi Chanhee." 

There was a silence before the first two voices burst out laughing.

"Think you can get away with lying to us huh?" One asked.

Chanhee stayed silent.

"I'm talking to you."

"Maybe if you took your hands off my eyes then I could see who I'm talking to."

There was a silence as if they were contemplating whether or not to do it, and then finally they let him see.

They were three guys that Chanhee didn't really recognize. Although there was one that he might've seen on campus occasionally. 

"Now can you explain what you're doing?" Chanhee demanded.

"I wouldn't get an attitude with us, that won't help you at all."

"Does Bona have something to do with this?" Chanhee asked.

One of the guys smirked.

"Ah, he gets it." He turned back to Chanhee. "Yes, Bona has something to do with this. From what I've been told, you did something that made her upset, and no one gets away with making Bona upset."

"Whatever it is you're gonna do, just do it. I don't care anymore."

"That's the wrong attitude." The guy said. "Bring the bucket."

Chanhee's heart sank when he saw one of the other guys lugging a large bucket of water towards him.

"Now you get to see what happens to people who make Bona upset."

Chanhee was grabbed by the back of his shirt, and his head was forced underwater. As soon as his face went under, the shock of the cold water hit him and he tried to breathe in but was only met with water, making him choke. He struggled against the hands that were holding his head down but he wasn't strong enough. 

Just as he thought they were really going to let him drown, his head was yanked up again, leaving him coughing and spluttering, gasping for air.

"Think that'll teach him?" Said the guy who had him in a firm grip.

"Nah, I think he needs a little bit more."

"No! Wait-"

Chanhee was cut off by his head being forced back into the water again. He hadn't even had time to take a breath beforehand, and so he ran out of air pretty quickly. He tried to push himself up but the weight on his neck wouldn't let him. He felt his vision going blotchy and tried to scream, but it just came out as a muffled gargling.

Finally, he was pulled back up again, gasping shallowly in between sobs. 

"Yeah, that'll do it." The guy smirked.

He let go of Chanhee and left him crying on the floor in shock.

"One last thing-" One of the other guys said, picking up the bucket. He held ot up over Chanhee's head, and then poured its entire contents onto him.

The three guys stood back and admired their handiwork, and then ran off together laughing.

-

It was the next day during class when Younghoon realized he hadn't seen Chanhee at all. When he asked Changmin about it, he was interrupted by Bona who had been listening in on their conversation.

"Chanhee? Oh, I heard he had a cold." She giggled mischievously. 

Younghoon didn't know what she meant, but he decided to go visit Chanhee after class to see that he was okay.

When he arrived at Chanhee's dorm, he knocked on the door, and a few seconds later a worn-out looking Chanhee opened the door just a little, saw who it was and then rushed back into the dorm, leaving the door slightly ajar.

"Sorry, just wait a second." Chanhee called out from inside.

Younghoon saw Chanhee rushing to pick up the mess of pillows and blankets he had made on the floor and laughed to himself. He went inside.

"I-I'm sorry about the mess, I wasn't expecting anyone to visit." Chanhee apologized.

"It's fine, you don't have to clean up."

When Younghoon had knocked, Chanhee had been sitting on a pillow on a blanket on the floor, with another blanket wrapped around him like a cocoon, as he watched movies from his laptop on the floor. There was still a heap of blankets and pillows left on the floor.

Younghoon saw the laptop with the movie paused.

"Can I join you?"

"J-Join me? ...Oh, yeah of course." Chanhee replied. He began to put the blankets back how he had arranged them on the floor.

"What were you watching?" Younghoon asked.

Chanhee's face turned red.

"Umm... Aladdin.."

Younghoon laughed.

"Isn't that a kids' movie?"

"Well I like it so..."

"It's fine. If you like it then so do I." Younghoon smiled, making Chanhee blush. He joined Chanhee on the floor and climbed under the blanket with him. As they watched the movie, the warmth of Younghoon next to him made Chanhee feel sleepier and sleepier, until finally he fell asleep. Younghoon followed not long after.

When Younghoon woke up, it was the middle of the night, and he found Chanhee wrapped around him like some kind of big baby. It was cute though.

And then Younghoon sneezed.

"Damn it Chanhee."


	13. thirteen

It was the day before Chanhee and Younghoon were due to fly to Taiwan for Younghoon's sister's birthday celebrations, and Younghoon was keeping Chanhee company while he packed the new girls' clothes that he had bought him.

"Can I bring my own pyjamas? I don't really wanna sleep in girls' ones." Chanhee asked.

"Sure, it's not like anyone's gonna see you."

"Hmm.. yeah, okay." He put his own pyjamas into the case and patted it down. "I think that's about it. Do you wanna go somewhere to eat? I'm hungry."

"Sure." Younghoon replied.

They ended up going to a cafe near campus, which sold Chanhee's favourite coffee.

The cafe was warm and comfortable, compared to the chilly air that blew the leaves in circles outside. There was soft guitar music playing in the shop, the smell of freshly ground coffee beans filling the vicinity. 

Younghoon took his seat at the table he now shared with Chanhee, giving him the mocha that had previously occupied his right hand, his own plain black coffee in his left.

"Here you go." 

"Ah, thank you." Chanhee smiled lightly, taking a sip of his drink with shaky hands. 

Younghoon nodded. "No problem." He looked out the window, smiling lightly when he saw a pair of children playing across the street. 

"So, Chanhee," Younghoon said, leaning back in his chair. "Why don't you tell me a little more about yourself. I don't really know all that much about you." 

Chanhee shrugged a little. "There's not a whole lot that's interesting about me." he said with slightly pink cheeks. 

Younghoon scoffed. "I'm sure that's not true. Come on, hit me with whatever you've got." 

Chanhee sighed after a moment.

"Well, I grew up in a small town in the country. I never really knew my dad. Um... I like reading, poetry mostly, and I like children. I'm studying to be a young elementary educator. I want to be a kindergarten teacher. I swam a bit back in high school, backstroke." he rubbed the back of his neck. "Like I said, I'm a little boring..." 

Younghoon shook his head. "I don't think you're boring. That's really nice that you want to be a teacher. I don't think I'd have the patience for it." he laughed a little. 

Chanhee giggled. "Well, I guess patience just came as I got older." he looked at Younghoon. "What about you?" 

Younghoon took another sip of his coffee. 

"Well, I grew up in the city. We moved around from place to place for a while, so I never made a lot of close friends. You know my sister, Jangmi. She's 2 years younger than me and I guess she's my closest friend. I'm working to become a physical therapist. I met Changmin in highschool, because we were both on the athletics team until I quit. I like to read too, mostly crime novels though." 

"So you don't have many friends? You seem pretty popular though..."

Younghoon smiled a little. "Hey, don't worry about me, okay? We're here to enjoy ourselves, not to hear my sob story. So you and Jacob have known each other since high school?" 

Chanhee nodded, dropping the subject. "Yeah. We lost touch when he moved schools though." 

Younghoon nodded. "Kevin and I went to the same school too. Kevin can be a little dramatic sometimes, but he's a good friend." 

Chanhee hummed in agreement. "I don't know him very well, but I know he's good to Jacob. Jacob always seems happiest when he's with Kevin." 

Younghoon smirked. "Kevin talks about Jacob all the time. He's completely whipped." 

Chanhee gasped a little and then laughed.

Younghoon just took it in stride. "Hey, if you're looking for proof, just look over there." 

Chanhee glanced over to see where Younghoon was pointing, and was met with the sight of Jacob reprimanding Kevin and stealing some of his boyfriend's coffee, Kevin's eyes simply glinting with the pure emotion he obviously felt for the guy in front of him. 

Chanhee turned around, looking at Younghoon, who wore a triumphant look. 

"Okay, maybe he's a little whipped." 

Younghoon laughed.

The pair continued to talk, getting more and more comfortable with each other by the minute. Chanhee was shocked, as he'd never felt so calm around someone.

Soon enough, Jacob and Kevin stood up, walking over to Chanhee and Younghoon's table. 

"Hate to break up the date, love birds," Kevin smirked, "But do you guys wanna come over to my dorm and play video games?" 

"This isn't a date." Younghoon said sternly.

"Oh, excuse me, I hate to break up your completely platonic coffee session."

"Actually, I should probably go back to my dorm and sleep, we have an early flight tomorrow." Chanhee said.

"Oh." Kevin replied. "Well enjoy your completely platonic trip to Taiwan then." He smiled, before turning back to Jacob and leaving.


	14. fourteen

Younghoon and Chanhee arrived at the airport together at around 10am the next day, Chanhee wearing his girl clothes and the wig. They were greeted by some airport staff who took their luggage for them and showed them to the VIP lounge where Younghoon's mother, grandmother and his sister Jangmi were waiting for them.

"Ah, how lovely to see you both!" Mrs. Kim cried. "Chanhee, you look lovely today."

Chanhee thanked her shyly.

"Isn't dad here?" Younghoon asked his mom.

She sighed.

"No, he has business to attend to, but he'll be there for the main celebrations tomorrow."

"Or he says he will." Jangmi added slyly. She smirked at Chanhee. "Come sit next to me Chanhee." she said, patting the seat next to her. "I've been needing another girl to talk to besides these two old-timers." She side-eyed her mom and grandmother.

"Old-timer?! I'll have you know I'm only 41 years old, that's not even middle-aged!" 

"Yeah yeah ok boomer." She chuckled.

Chanhee joined Jangmi on the seat next to her, leaving Younghoon to sit between the two older women.

"You know Younghoon, this trip would be a prime opportunity for you to finally pop the question-"

"Mom~ stooop." Younghoon whined.

She waved her hands in front of her.

"I'm just saying."

"Let them live while they're young dear." Younghoon's grandmother butted in. "Kids their age don't worry about those things nowadays."

"I know, but I would love a grandchild." 

"And you want me to be a great-grandmother already? No thank you, I feel old enough as it is." 

"So." Jangmi whispered to Chanhee, "What's so great about my brother anyway? You're pretty, you could like go for some famous actor or something, why him? Unless you're just in it for the money."

"What? N-No.. I just think he's a really kind person, and we get along well together. A-And he's good-looking too.. so..." 

"Yeah, okay but you're way out of his league in my opinion. I wish I looked like you, I could get anyone I wanted. You're like, perfect." 

"Noo I'm not. You're beautiful. And I don't think I'm out of Younghoon's league either. He's perfect. To me at least." 

There was a temporary silence.

"I don't know whether to find it cute that you like him so much or be disgusted because it's my brother."

Chanhee laughed.

An airport staff member came to tell everyone that their plane was ready for boarding and they all made their way towards the gate.

Chanhee was excited to see what the plane would be like, because he'd never even been on one before, let alone in First Class. 

The First Class area was fairly empty apart from a few businessmen and women. 

Chanhee sat next to a window, with Younghoon beside him. The window was smaller than he had thought it would be. It was also scratched and he had to crane his neck to look all the way out of it. 

The chair was quite comfortable, but the armrests were shared and Younghoon had taken the left one. A small TV was attached to the back of the seat in front of him and he wanted to turn it off.

He couldn’t lay his elbow on his other armrest as there were buttons where the most comfortable place would be, undoubtedly belonging to the annoying TV thing. His phone was shoved in his pocket, in airplane mode already due to extreme anxieties.

It felt like an hour before the intercom let out a shrill ring, and the air hostess began explaining rules and what to do in case of an accident, which Chanhee hyper-focused on. Younghoon had already closed his eyes, tapping the stolen armrest impatiently.

"You don’t really need to listen, this is the time that I usually listen to music or something." Younghoon said, giving Chanhee a reassuring smile.

Chanhee nodded, even though he didn’t have any music on his cheap phone, nor did he think to bring anything he could actually listen to.

People were chatting behind and in front of the two, and an air vent was blowing freezing wind directly down at Chanhee at the speed of light itself.

The plane was moving slow, not anywhere close to the fast take-off he had been told about. He could hear the engines whirring. Sunlight streamed through the scratched window. It smelled like week-old hand sanitizer. 

Chanhee wanted to get off, he wanted to home. His anxiety had begun to settle in.

Then the whir of the engine turned more into a roar, and Chanhee was forced against the back of the cloth of his chair as the plane moved faster, the wheels leaving the worn asphalt.

He felt like his stomach was crawling up his throat, and his neck felt stiff, like he needed to crack it.

But out the window, he could see the streets thinning out and trees becoming earthy green blurs. Clouds passed by, close enough that he thought he could touch one if the window was gone. His hand grabbed Younghoon’s sleeve, lightly tugging as to get his attention. Chanhee’s bright eyes were wide, his mouth opened slightly.

He could hear Younghoon laugh a little, leaning over to get a look as well.

"It’s really pretty, isn’t it?" He asked, while Chanhee could only nod. The horizon was so far, blurred by fog and clouds.

He sat back in his chair, closing his mouth. Younghoon had sat back as well, headphones in his ears and his cheek on his hand. He seemed to already be asleep, elbow sliding along the armrest until his head was on Chanhee’s shoulder.

Chanhee refused to move or wake him, instead accidentally falling asleep himself, only waking when they were about to land, finding Younghoon staring down at him.

"What?" Chanhee said.

"Nothing." Younghoon replied, smiling.


	15. fifteen

They landed in Taipei after a short 2 hour flight and were on their way to the resort they would be staying at. Younghoon's family had rented out an estate with a few large villas to house the various guests who would be flying out to celebrate Jangmi's birthday. 

When they arrived, Chanhee was once again shocked by the rich lifestyle which these people seemed to think was normal. The villas which they were staying in was more like a mansion in his opinion, and overlooked a large outdoor pool, like the size you would find in a leisure center. 

"They booked all of this for a birthday party?" Chanhee asked Younghoon.

"Yup. It's quite tame as far as our celebrations go. You should see the weddings. When my cousin got married they rented a whole private island." 

"A whole island?!"

"Mhm." Younghoon replied nonchalantly.

Since the day of Jangmi's birthday was the following day, not all of the guests had arrived yet, and so a small dinner was prepared for the people who had already arrived. 

It was quite boring, Chanhee thought, sitting there listening to the conversations of Younghoon's mother and her friends and family, and the food portions were those weird tiny ones that you would see in fancy restaurants which cost a fortune.

Younghoon winked at Chanhee from across the table.

Chanhee looked at him inquisitively.

Younghoon gestured his head to the side, signalling that they should leave. Chanhee looked over at Mrs. Kim and her friends and saw that they weren't paying them any attention.

Younghoon discreetly got up from the table, and Chanhee followed after him.

"What are we doing?" Chanhee asked.

"Going to get some proper food."

Younghoon looked at Chanhee. 

"You should go change out of that dress, I like the real you better. I know where our room is."

Chanhee blushed.

"What if someone sees me?"

"They won't if we hurry up, they're all at dinner."

So they went up to the room that they had been allocated, and found their luggage already brought there for them. Chanhee took off his wig and changed into shorts and a t-shirt whilst Younghoon waited for him outside.

"Coast is clear." Younghoon joked, when Chanhee appeared at the door.

They left the villa through a side door and took a taxi to a restaurant that Younghoon had in mind.

They walked over to the brightly lit building and the warmth that radiated from it felt extremely welcoming as they entered through the door under the neon sign. 

The atmosphere inside gave the impression of a lively establishment, bustling with customers eating and talking freely, but as they were led further back the noise gave way to a slightly emptier section, which Chanhee was grateful for. 

They were seated in a quiet corner at a table covered with a cream tablecloth, it was small but the simple vase containing a single red rose placed next to the condiments added a pleasant touch. The waitress came quickly to take their order, and Chanhee was surprised to find that Younghoon spoke Chinese perfectly.

Their food arrived quickly and it didn’t take long for Chanhee to understand Younghoon’s passion for the unassuming restaurant. The simple meals were cooked and flavoured perfectly. He glanced at Younghoon’s plate to see him already two-thirds into his meal, but as he was eating his fork accidentally flicked a piece of beef across the table. It hit Chanhee’s chest and bounced onto the floor, and he tried to stifle hia laughter as he looked up to see the panic on his face.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to - that was an accident, is your shirt-” he was cut off by the piece of chicken that came hurling towards his chin, courtesy of Chanhee.

“Two can play at this game,” he said playfully.

“Oh, it’s on,” he said, tearing off a piece of his bread roll and throwing it towards him. It bounced off his shoulder as he ducked, and he quickly lobbed a small potato directly at Younghoon's chest in return.

They had exchanged a few more hits before they were interrupted by someone loudly clearing their throat, “If you continue to throw around food like children, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Younghoon apologised profusely in his most sincere Chinese while Chanhee attempted to hold in his laughter. After the waitress had left it was a struggle to keep their laughter at a reasonable level, so they hurriedly finished their food and asked for the bill, Younghoon leaving a generous tip for the trouble.

Since it was a pleasantly warm evening they decided to take a walk around Taipei. As they walked Younghoon pointed out some of the places he remembered from his previous times visiting. Chanhee watched the way his face lit up as he told him stories of his vacations here when he was young. Chanhee could feel he was grinning ridiculously at him but he couldn’t help himself.

Younghoon seemed to notice his gaze. 

“What is it?”

Chanhee couldn’t quite form the right words to explain what he was feeling, so he simply replied "nothing" and they continued walking.

They passed a bar after a short walk and found it bustling with people. It beautifully decorated, flower arrangements lined the room which was warmly lit by the combination of chandeliers and gold table lamps. The atmosphere was one of excitement, a joy that seemed to encompass everyone present. As the music filled the room people were dancing enthusiastically across the floor.

Younghoon ordered 2 drinks and they made their way through the lively dancers to find a spot that wasn’t too crowded and turned towards each other. Younghoon’s arm wrapped around Chanhee’s waist while his rested on Younghoon's shoulders, and they began to jokingly dance around, mimicking the people around them.

Younghoon's fingers found their way into Chanhee's hair and his arm was tightening around Chanhee's waist. His other hand moved to his neck while his thumb ran along his cheek softly, and had to pull away to remind himself of where they were.

As they continued making their way around the dancefloor Younghoon became increasingly conscious of how closely their bodies were pressed together, how warm Chanhee's hands felt on his shoulders, and how soft his lips looked. Chanhee seemed to be having similar thoughts because his face had gone bright pink. Chanhee buried his head in Younghoon's chest when someone knocked into them and he suddenly remembered where they were. The pinkness rising in Younghoon’s cheeks made it clear he had forgotten their surroundings as well.

“Sorry, ma’am, we weren’t paying attention,” Younghoon apologised for them.

“No, no, it was my fault, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” the woman smiled as she walked away.

After she’d left Younghoon looked back at Chanhee. 

“I forgot we weren’t…, forgot where we…” Chanhee was breathing heavily.

“Forgot we were in public?”

He nodded and pulled away, 

“I should go and get us some more drinks.” Younghoon said. His cheeks were still pink.

“Okay” Chanhee agreed, trying to get his breathing under control.

Chanhee left the dancefloor as he attempted to pull himself together. He found a quiet corner to wait for Younghoon and checked his appearance in a mirror. As he fixed his hair his eyes glanced over the room, and he jumped when he spotted a familiar figure on the other side of the room. 

As Jangmi turned her head Chanhee ducked down to hide behind an empty table. She was with a few other girls who Chanhee assumed were her friends that had arrived for the party.

Younghoon found him a few minutes later, still hiding, partially covered by the tablecloth. He placed the drinks on a nearby table and knelt down beside him. 

“What are you doing?” he asked quietly, as his eyes glanced around the room.

“I’ve just seen Jangmi over there." He pointed.

Younghoon looked where Chanhee was pointing and sure enough, there was his sister, along with some of her friends.

He sighed.

"Of course she would be in this particular bar of all places." He laughed. "Let's go, just hide behind me or something."

Chanhee did as he was told and followed Younghoon out of the bar, making sure that he was out of sight of the group of girls.

They walked back to their villa slightly tipsy and giggly, hanging on to each other and swaying slightly as they walked. 

They reached the villa and went up to their room, trying their best to go quietly and not be seen. When they got to the hallway that their room was on they decided it was probably safe now and continued joking around with each other, not being able to contain their laughter.

Younghoon noticed that Chanhee had suddenly stopped walking. 

"What're you doing? C'mon, do you need a piggyback?" He laughed.

He then looked towards their room and found the reason why Chanhee had stopped.

"G-Grandma!" He looked back at Chanhee in alarm. "I- I can explain-"

"There's no need dear, I think I understand what's going on here."

"But-" 

"You knew your mother wouldn't be pleased with you bringing your boyfriend home so you pretended he was a girl, correct?" 

Younghoon stared at her, dumbfounded.

"Oh- No grandma he's not my boyfriend-"

"There's no need to lie to me, I can tell you two's feelings for each other just by looking at you. I'm very good at these things. Don't worry, I won't tell your mother." She smiled. "Anywho, I came to tell you that they're serving drinks downstairs, but it appears that you've already had a few. Goodnight." 

And with that she wheeled herself away.


	16. sixteen

After Younghoon's grandmother had left, both him and Chanhee awkwardly entered their hotel room. 

They were alone in the room, and Chanhee was acting… uncharacteristically. Instead of watching youtube, browsing the internet, or playing games on his phone, he was lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling. His breathing wasn’t even enough for him to be asleep; it even got a little rough. Younghoon chewed his lip, thinking. Chanhee was acting so different all of a sudden. Was it even his business? He absently tugged at his hair, and made his decision.

Turning around to face Chanhee, he said his name in a questioning tone. Chanhee looked over, only moving his head.

“Yes?”

“What’s wrong?”

Chanhee sat up, and swayed dizzily. It was the first time that evening that Younghoon realized just how drunk Chanhee was, even though he had only had a few drinks. Younghoon himself had a high tolerance, so he himself was only a little bit tipsy.

Chanhee beckoned him over without words, tipping his head at the space next to him. Younghoon left his chair, crossing the room to sit on the bed.

Chanhee gave him a side glance before speaking.

“Can tell you something honestly?”

Younghoon’s pulse spiked.

“I haven’t- done something? Right?”

His tone was so shaky, and Chanhee’s chest ached. He squeezed Younghoon’s hand with his for a moment before setting it back on the bed.

“No, no! You’re fine.”

He relaxed, and Chanhee began to talk.

“There’s someone, that I’m- well- I like them. A lot. They're more than a friend to me.” 

Younghoon's heart dropped. He didn't understand what he was feeling. Chanhee would never like him like that. 

“Do I seem like someone who’s afraid?”

Younghoon and Chanhee looked at each other. Chanhee, as always, was struck by the soft humanity of his eyes. Younghoon silently shook his head, biting back I’m the one who’s afraid.

“I am afraid,” Chanhee said, and Younghoon's eyes widened before he continued with, "They're precious to me. What- what if I lose them?”

He stopped talking and stared at the floor. Younghoon searched for something comforting to say.

“This person- they have to return your feelings. How could they not?”

Chanhee smiled slightly.

“How could they? There are so many things I don’t like about myself, Younghoon, and I just- pretend.”

“Chanhee…” Younghoon fell silent, and dropped his gaze. Chanhee was stubborn. If he didn’t like himself, who could convince him out of it? No one. Probably. But- he was dying to know something. 

“Who is it? Do I know them?”

Chanhee looked at him, full eye contact and everything, and there was such a strange emotion in his eyes. He was quiet for long enough to make Younghoon insecure.

“You don’t have to tell me or anything, I’m sorry-”

Chanhee’s voice was gentle as he cut him off.

“Younghoon.”

“What?”

“It’s you, idiot.”

Younghoon stared at him. All of his instincts locked up inside of him- he wanted to run- get away- leave- but he wouldn’t do it. He nodded slowly, trying to process.

Chanhee was similarly insecure. He twisted his hands in his lap.

“If you don’t- feel the same-”

Younghoon shifted closer.

“I do.”

Chanhee’s eyes went wide. He couldn’t help but whisper a scared “really?” and Younghoon had to smile at him.

“Yeah.”

Younghoon shifted closer to him. Their hands touched, a slow graze of fingers until Younghoon laid his hand on Chanhee's. Chanhee blinked, long eyelashes fluttering. They simply looked at each other, until:

“C-Can you kiss me?”

Younghoon agreed with startling enthusiasm, and they both sat facing each other on the bed, knees touching. In the warm light of the lamp, Chanhee was the most beautiful thing Younghoon had seen and it took his breath away. It's too good to be true that he's his, that he wants this, wants him.

Chanhee's nails dug deep into his thighs and he bit his bottom lip between his teeth. He could hardly sit still because he'd built this moment up so much in his mind that he was worried something was going to go wrong. That he'd wake up and this would be a dream, or he'll suck so bad at kissing that Younghoon will decide he doesn't like him, or that-

He started when Younghoon gently pryed his hands away from his legs, uncurling his fingers, and holding his hands in his palms. Chanhee looked down at their joined hands, his were just smaller than Younghoon's, so that his fingers didn't quite cover his whole hand. Both his hands were calloused, and warm, but Chanhee's were shaking slightly despite his support.

Younghoon squeezed at his left hand, drawing his attention back to him, while he lifted the right to his lips and pressed the softest kisses against Chanhee's knuckles. Chanhee could feel his cheeks heating up alarmingly fast. He looked away and he kind of wanted to pull away, because he didn't deserve this, but then Younghoon switched hands and kissed at the rest of his knuckles, and when he was done with them, he trailed his hands up to Chanhee's shoulders, squeezing reassuringly before reaching out to touch his face.

His fingers are soft against the skin of Chanhee's cheeks, soft pads tracing his features slowly, trailing down to skim the soft line of Chanhee's jaw, applying just enough pressure to convince him to turn his head, then hesitantly up to feel the shape of his lips. Chanhee shuddered and his breath fluttered against him. His eyes weren't watering, they were just... moist.

Younghoon's eyes were curious and intent as he took in his face. Carefully he thumbed at his lips, silently asking Chanhee to part them, and he did. Next he cupped his jaw and tilted his head up, face moving closer, examining, his eyes narrowing in thought. Chanhee's heart was beating furiously, he could almost feel himself shaking along with it.

Something felt like it was lodged in Chanhee's throat. Sometimes he hated himself. Okay, so he hated himself a lot, but the way Younghoon was looking at him and touching him, so tenderly, his gaze was reverent like... like he'd never seen anything more perfect in his life, and it hurt so wonderfully.

He stroked a line down from Chanhee's forehead to the tip of his nose, pressing at it, his lips twitched and his eyes sparkled. You could almost hear his silent “Boop”.

And finally he was stroking his fingers along his neck- Chanhee's pulse throbbing against his fingers, and he knew he could feel it- to curl around the back of his head, fingers twining in his hair. He puts one finger under Chanhee's chin and leans closer, his breath smelled almost strangely sweet, and pressed his lips against every part of him that he'd explored.

His lips were slightly chapped, but soft, and he pressed chaste kisses against every inch of Chanhee's face. He pulled back to lick at his lips, and Chanhee followed the movement with his eyes. Younghoon took a quick, shaky breath then his lips were against Chanhee's.

Chanhee's eyes drift shut as he grabbed at Younghoon's shoulder for support, it was all so sweet and gentle he swore he was going to die and he couldn't stop shaking.

Neither of them had much experience at this, it should be awkward, the way they both tried to move against each other, trying for a different angle and bumping noses, it should be embarrassing and awkward, but it wasn't. Because though it wasn't perfect, and they both kind of sucked at this, nothing had ever felt better than Chanhee's lips against his. And when he pulled back Chanhee's eyes were so fucking beautiful, laughter and joy shining in their depths, his heart felt like it was going to burst, it was almost too much.

But then he pressed a kiss to the tip of Chanhee's nose and he's so ridiculous, he's so perfect, and he's so into him that Chanhee burst into giggles, he scrunched his face and clapped a hand over his mouth but he couldn't stop his laughter.

And then Younghoon was laughing too, which set Chanhee off even more, and they both laughed until tears spilled from their eyes, clutching at their stomachs, gasping for air and whining about how much it hurt, not even sure why they were laughing so hard, except they were so fucking happy.


	17. seventeen

It was around 6:00 am when Younghoon lay awake staring at the ceiling. He sighed and rolled over to look at the sleeping boy next to him. Which proved some difficulty due to the arms wrapped around his waist. The sight of Chanhee's sleeping face made him smile. The boy was always taking everything too seriously, it was nice to see him relaxed.

Deciding that it was way to early to get up and start the day, Younghoon wrapped his own arms around Chanhee, and scooted closer to him. Falling back asleep to the sound of Chanhee's soft breathing.

-

Younghoon woke up a few hours later and to his surprise Chanhee was still asleep. He glanced over at the small clock next to their bed. The blue numbers read 8:36, and while he would like to stay like this a little longer, today was his sister's birthday and his mother would go mad if he showed up late. He detached himself from the embrace and pushed the hair away from Chanhee's face.

"Chanhee, wake up."Younghoon said softly.

The sound of Chanhee's soft groans filled the room and his eyes lit up as he stretched out his arms.

"Good morning, Younghoon~" 

Chanhee smiled and pulled Younghoon closer and buried his face in his chest.

"Hey," Younghoon laughed, "as much as I would like to sleep in, we have to get up and get ready. It's Jangmi's birthday."

Chanhee's response was muffled by the fabric of Younghoon's shirt. He laughed again and sat up with arms still around his waist.

"Come on, Chanhee."

What he had thought would get the boy off of him failed and Chanhee's arms still clung to him.

"But Younghoon~" Chanhee whined, still a little muffled.

A small grin appeared on Younghoon's face and he carefully removed the other's arms and stood up. With Younghoon's warmth gone, Chanhee flopped on the bed face down while Younghoon stretched.

"Chanhee! Come on. You gotta get up."

The boy grunted in response but eventually sat up and looked up at Younghoon with his face in a pout.

Younghoon attempted to hold in a laugh but ultimately failed as he took in the sight of the boy in front of him. Chanhee's brows furrowed and he gave off a weak glare still full of sleep. Not to mention the fact that his hair was practically standing up on its own. Chanhee's pout intensified and his brows furrowed even more.

A tiny hand was held out and Younghoon took it expecting to help Chanhee up. Instead, the hand pulled him back to the bed with a thump. Chanhee crawled on top of the him and gave him a peck on the lips.

"Younghoon is a meanie." Chanhee stated and kissed him again.

Younghoon laughed. 

"Okay, fine. We can sleep in a little longer."

He received only a hum in response which he assumed meant 'okay.' A hand made its way through Chanhee's soft hair and soon enough the boy was asleep again.

Younghoon just lay there, staring at the ceiling, occasionally scrolling through his phone, and listening to the rise and fall of Chanhee's breathing. At around 8am, he decided that this was the latest time that they could get away with, and woke Chanhee by gently pushing the boy off of him and getting up off of the bed.

"Come on Chanhee, you actually do need to get up now." 

Chanhee groaned and slowly got up from the bed.

-

After they had both got dressed and ready, Chanhee in his dress and wig, they made their way downstairs to meet Younghoon's mother, who was busy yelling at people to get things ready for her daughter's special day.

She turned around to see that Younghoon and Chanhee had arrived, and hurriedly beckoned them over.

"Come, come, where have you two been? We mustn't be late, I want this day to be absolutely perfect for Jangmi." 

Younghoon scanned around the area.

"Where is Jangmi?" he asked.

"She's gone out to eat breakfast with your grandma, I needed to keep her away so that everything is a surprise!"

"Mom we came all the way to Taiwan, do you really think anything is gonna surprise her-"

"Oh shush Younghoon, no negative attitudes allowed, it's your sister's special day!" 

Younghoon rolled his eyes.

-

The party had been going on for a few hours now, Jangmi had acted surprised at all of the preparations, even though this was exactly the same as her birthday party every other year.

Younghoon had been working up the courage to ask Chanhee to dance for hours, which was a weird feeling for him. Since when did he get nervous like this? Was he suddenly fourteen again?

Though he supposed it was more that he knew Chanhee hated this - they were being constantly watched by Younghoon's nosey family members and his mother's friends, trying to get a much intel as possible on this new 'Chanhee' girl. Half of them secretly wanted their daughters to marry Younghoon, so they watched with jealousy as this mysterious girl, who had seemed to come from nowhere, stole their fantasy son-in-law.

Chanhee had only left his carefully selected spot in a very dark corner once or twice to get a drink. And Younghoon didn’t want to upset him.

So it was getting up the courage, and it was also carefully considering whether the slim chance that he’d say yes was worth the much greater chance of getting him worked up.

And he decided that it was, and sidled up to him just as one song wound down and another started up. He cast a sideways look at him, sort of withering, and he pushed on before he could lose his conviction.

“What would you say if I asked you to dance with me?” he asked.

Chanhee looked away from him quickly, down at his drink, chewed his cheek for a second. 

“I’d say you already know the answer to that.” he frowned.

“Clearly, I don’t, because here I am, asking.” And for good measure, he stepped a little closer - only a little, not enough to make Chanhee shrink away from him. “C’mon, one song.”

“Younghoon. I don’t...” He turned to face him fully, looked him in the face for a fraction of a second and then looked back down. “I’m not going to make myself look like an idiot with all these people watching me."

Another little step closer, bigger than the last, inches between them now, but on his toes, ready to back down. 

He coaxed, gentle like he always did; he reached out and cupped his elbow, implicitly invited him closer, and said, 

“Please? For me?”

Chanhee stared at him for a whole few seconds, silent and unblinking, and his cheeks were red, but whether that was an honest blush or just a hot room and a little too much to drink, he couldn’t say. Chanhee downed what remained in his glass and set it on the window sill beside them. 

“You’re a meanie, do you know that?” And he let him lead him out a little ways.

Not far, not to the middle like he might’ve done with anyone else. Just onto the polished wood, just in the glow of the colored lights. He kept a respectable distance to start with, because Chanhee was stiff and awkward and quite obviously uncomfortable.

And maybe it was that they stood so close, and that his hand rested so comfortably on the curve of Chanhee's hip. This was not just a step outside Chanhee's comfort zone but miles and miles down the road from its borders.

“This is embarassing,” Chanhee said, softly, glancing around the room, undoubtedly skimming thoughts, looking out for anyone who even acknowledged his existence in passing.

“Am I that bad of a dancer?”

Chanhee pulled his gaze back to him and blinked a few times, until the joke landed and some of his anxiety unspooled. He smiled, finally, let out a little snicker, shook his head in mock exasperation. Some tension ebbed from his shoulders and arms and he flowed a little easier into Younghoon's arms.

Younghoon didn’t even think about it before he slipped closer, dropped his hand to the small of Chanhee's back. Chanhee stiffened again, though it was more out of surprise than distaste, and then readjusted his hand to cup Younghoon's shoulder blade.

“Bold move, Younghoon.” He said jokingly.

“Too much?”

Chanhee didn’t look at him, but over his shoulder, for a long few seconds - long enough that he thought he just wasn’t going to answer. 

“N-Not at all,” he murmured.

The key changed; this one song was winding down. And he wanted to kiss Chanhee again, like he’d done last night, and like he’d thought about doing just about every minute since. It bubbled in his chest. How easy it would be to lean down and brush his lips against his, with him so close, and smiling, and smelling like honey-lemon perfume.

But they weren’t alone. Chanhee would be mortified. Even if the whole point of this act they were putting on was to convince people they were a couple, Chanhee wasn't comfortable doing things with people watching. And he wouldn’t do that to him. 

But they were a couple now - weren't they? He hadn't really thought about it properly. Was Chanhee his boyfriend now?

Wrapped up in his thoughts, it took him a split second to register the weight on his chest, and he looked down to see Chanhee resting his head there, just over his heart. His turn to tense up, if only momentarily. It was more of an embrace than anything, because when the song ended a few seconds later, he straightened again.

They stood there, chest-to-chest, on the dance floor, for a beat of silence, and then another, past when the next song started, each of them waiting for the other to move. Chanhee was usually the first to break contact.

He did move first, but not to pull away. He stretched up to his tip toes, using the hand still at Younghoon's shoulder for leverage, and kissed his cheek. And the bubbling in his chest grew to a rolling boil. He was positively buoyant.

And only then did Chanhee step back. “It’s getting late. I think I should probably go back-”

“I'll come with you."

“You don’t need to. I’ll be alright.”

“I know. But can I?”

And Chanhee held his hand out to him by way of answer, and it was with some teenaged tentativeness that he laced his fingers with his.


	18. eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is nsfw,,, i'm going to hell anyways soooo... 
> 
> but tbh u dont need to read this, it doesnt really affect the plot so go ahead and skip if u want to!

if you're still here; see u in hell sis

-

Younghoon wasn't one to get too distracted while focusing intensely on something. When he focused on something, he really focused. Yet here he was, forcibly trying to focus on the film that was playing before him and not on the boy beside him who was currently cuddled up against his side, with his face dangerously close to Younghoon's. He could feel the other's soft breathing, which was giving him a feeling that he did not want to think about.

After they left Jangmi's party, they had put a film on and snuggled up together. Chanhee noticed Younghoon acting weird. He seemed on edge, and way less talkative, which didn't seem like a good sign. Chanhee was getting antsy, wanting to ask if something was wrong but also not wanting to offend him. Younghoon's silence tonight was really starting to make him anxious.

Opening his mouth to speak, Chanhee managed to get a single stutter out before he felt a pair of lips brush gently against his neck, followed by a small hum before Younghoon pulled back to look at him. 

"Hm? Were you about to say something?"

Chanhee opened his mouth, before closing it again as he found himself at a loss of words. His mind kept thinking about what the other had just done. He looked at Younghoon, his eyes scanning his face for any kind of answer. 

"W-What was that?"

"What?" Younghoon tilted his head in question. "You mean, the kiss?"

"Yes, t-that." Chanhee could feel his cheeks and ears turning red.

Younghoon gave a nervous laugh, his hand reaching back to rub the back of his neck in embarrassment. 

"Was it too much? I won't do it again if it was." 

Chanhee sat in silence for a moment, staring blankly at the boy next to him. It wasn't that he didn't like what had happened, it just happened so unexpectedly that he wasn't able to process it further. It was new, but that didn't bother him. Younghoon always reached his hand out to introduce Chanhee to new things. Well, metaphorically speaking in this case. Finding his voice, Chanhee spoke up softly. 

"You can... you can d-do it again."

Younghoon perked up slightly, leaning forward so his face was close to Chanhee's. 

"You sure?"

Adverting his gaze slightly, Chanhee nodded. 

"I'm sure."

"Positively sure?"

"Don't make me take it back."

"Sorry, sorry," Younghoon grinned before shifting on the bed, his hands moving to rest gently on the other's shoulders. "Can you lean back on the pillows a bit?"

Chanhee gulped slightly in nervousness but did as Younghoon asked. Thankfully there was a giant mountain of pillows, so it was soft to lean back into as Younghoon moved to hover above him. Chanhee couldn't deny that he thought they were just going to go back to their original position, not Younghoon above him. Turns out Younghoon had a different idea. It was strange this way, but admittedly, Chanhee found himself liking the view of Younghoon above him like this.

Giving one last glance at Chanhee to make sure he was okay, which he nodded at, Younghoon leaned forward until his lips were inches away from Chanhee's neck again. He hesitated for a moment, unsure of just how much Chanhee would allow him to do. Quickly brushing the thoughts away, he focused again. He knew overthinking only makes things worse. His lips brushed gently against Chanhee's skin again, and he felt the boy flinch slightly but his hands moved to grip onto Younghoon's shirt which he hoped was a good sign. 

Continuing, he pressed his lips a little harder, instead of just softly like before, which he continued for several moments.

Suddenly, an idea dawned on him. He didn't know how Chanhee would react, but he hoped it wouldn't be bad. Shifting in slightly closer with his body so his chest was pressed against the boy below him, who flinched slightly again but didn't protest the action, Younghoon opened his mouth and placed it on Chanhee's neck again, this time sucking slightly.

Before Chanhee could stop himself, a small sound of pleasure left his mouth. As soon as it had happened, he felt his whole body go numb as he realized what had just happened. Younghoon stopped in his tracks too, before pulling back to stare at him. 

They were silent for a moment, still trying to process things before Chanhee noticed Younghoon leaning in slowly. It was as if he were waiting for him to pull away, scared that perhaps Chanhee was uncomfortable with the implications of the situation right now.

However, despite his nerves, Chanhee stayed still and waited for the feel of familiar lips against his. Only, this kiss was different. It was more feverish, although still slightly awkward. 

Younghoon shifted again, only this time, he gently moved Chanhee's legs to squish in between them. It suddenly became apparent to him what was going on. Younghoon wanted to take things further, and that must've been the reason for his strange behavior all night. At least, that's what Chanhee thought. It all seemed to add up. Still feeling nervous, Chanhee pulled back for a second to gather his thoughts. Although, the sudden pulling back worried Younghoon.

"I'm sor-"

"No!" Chanhee shouted abruptly, taking Younghoon by surprise. "I-I mean, you don't have to apologize- It's alright, I just need to th-think for a second."

Younghoon looked at Chanhee with a sour expression, concern lacing his emotions. 

"This is too fast, isn't it?"

Chanhee felt panic slowly creeping upon him as he instinctively reached out to Younghoon, his hands resting on his shoulders. 

"No! I-It's not! I want what you want..."

"I..." Younghoon sighed, trying to find the right words. "I don't want to make you feel pressured. I just...want to make you feel good."

A smile snuck up on Chanhee's face at his words. Younghoon was always so sappy, even when he wasn't meaning to be. It was something that made Chanhee like him even more though, his over-sentimental trait was only one of the many things to like about him. Although knowing the context behind the words he'd just told him was still slightly embarrassing, and Chanhee was still anxious, but in a good way. Younghoon always made him feel anxious in a way that he liked. Not that he'd admit it, but Chanhee enjoyed being the main focus in Younghoon's mind.

"I'm... I'm okay with that.."

Younghoon stared at Chanhee in confusion. "You want to?"

"Y-Yes," Chanhee tried to keep his nerves in check despite his slightly wavering voice. "I trust you... you wouldn't do anything bad. And I...want this too."

This time, Younghoon gulped but nodded in understanding. "How do you want to like, start?"

"W-Well," Chanhee started, before placing his hand in his lap as he thought for a moment. "We could just- um- well- I-I don't mind... I'm not really... experienced in this kind of stuff... whatever you want to do would be okay honestly I don't-"

"Chanhee," Younghoon cut him off, before continuing in an apologetic tone. "Maybe less talking and uh, just going with how we feel is better."

Chanhee nodded in understanding, he usually spoke a lot when his nervousness acted up. 

"O-Okay, yes... well... h-how-"

Taking him by surprise, Younghoon cupped his face gently before his lips reconnected with Chanhee's. It took a few seconds to process the action, but Chanhee eventually kissed back with some enthusiasm. Younghoon's hands found their way onto Chanhee's hips, maneuvering him closer so they were chest and chest again. The making out only lasted for a few moments since both knew they wouldn't get anywhere if they didn't make any moves. And as if reading each other's minds, they both pulled back as Younghoon's hands gripped the bottom of his nightshirt. Chanhee felt like he was gonna explode from how hot his face felt. 

Once Younghoon's shirt was off, he reached his hands over and grabbed the bottom of Chanhee's shirt, which suddenly made Chanhee conscious of the fact that Younghoom would also want to see him. Not that Chanhee cared too much about his body, but he still wasn't overly content with it. He was small and more scrawny, unlike Younghoon who kept himself in shape. Younghoon noticed the hesitation and offered him a soft smile. 

"You can leave it on if you like, I don't mind."

Chanhee couldn't help but smile at Younghoon being sentimental again.

"Okay." He decided to keep it on.

"You're so cute," Younghoon whispered. "Even if you don't see it, which might be because of your bad sight in my opinion."

Chanhee leaned his head back into the pillows, closing his eyes as he did so. He gave a hum in response to Younghoon's words, both out of not knowing how to fully handle compliments, and feeling slightly light-headed from how Younghoon was making him feel. However, his thoughts were clouded again, which he didn't like. His thought process was something he needed since he got anxious when he wasn't in control of his own emotions or thoughts. But the feeling of Younghoon, who had now started to gently run his hands under Chanhee's shirt and up his sides, was giving him a lot of feelings that were gradually taking over his mind like a vine that was slowly wrapping around his brain and cutting off any thoughts that weren't of the boy above him.

Amidst trying to collect his thoughts again, Chanhee felt Younghoon's hands slowly brushing back down his sides, before landing on his hips. He froze for a second, hesitating. Not noticing before, but definitely realizing now, they were both visibly showing interest in the situation at hand. The tips of Chanhee's ears and his cheeks went dark red. Although he knew it was a natural reaction, it didn't make it any less humiliating.

"Do you..." Younghoon started before coughing slightly to clear his throat. "Do you want to stop?"

Evident in his voice, Chanhee could tell Younghoon obviously didn't want to stop, but he knew he would if Chanhee didn't want to do this. Luckily for him, Chanhee wanted to despite the awkwardness of it. He trusted Younghoon enough to share this with him. 

Stumbling over his words for a moment, Chanhee replied in a small voice, almost amount to a whisper. 

"N-No... I mentioned before that I want this, and I still do."

Younghoon smirked slightly, before poking the tip of Chanhee's ear as he gave a light-hearted laugh. "You're embarrassed." 

Chanhee averted his eyes, a few mumbled words slipping out of his mouth that Younghoon chose to ignore as he placed his hands back on the other's hips, his hands fiddling with the waistband of his boxers. 

Shifting back so he was between Chanhee's legs again, their bodies dangerously close, Younghoon looked at Chanhee as if waiting for him to direct him what to do, which Chanhee, for once in his life, had no idea of where to go next. 

"Is there," Younghoon began, a hint of shyness now present in his voice. "Is there a certain thing you want to do? I didn't think we'd get this far so I...I'm not really prepared for anything drastic."

"I... I've never done this with anyone so I don't really know..."

"Maybe we shouldn't think about it, and just...do what feels right to us?" 

Chanhee looked at Younghoon like he was speaking a foreign language. He was never the best at spontaneously jumping into things, he always preferred to plan ahead. But this situation was difficult because he didn't know how to plan anything for this. He wasn't experienced. Hell, he didn't even look too much of it up out of fear he'd be caught and this was not a subject he'd ever be willing to discuss with people.

"Do you...want me to start something off?" Younghoon offered in a kind tone, noticing that Chanhee was obviously struggling a bit. "If you don't like it at all, I'll stop."

Coming to a point where he realized he might be overthinking too much, Chanhee sighed and nodded at him. 

"J-Just...bear with me. I'm not used to this kind of... thing."

"Don't worry, okay?" Younghoon said with a smile.

Smiling back, Chanhee shifted a little to give Younghoon slightly more access. He didn't know exactly what Younghoon was planning to do, but he knew he'd be willing to experience it with him. Getting ready for contact, Chanhee closed his eyes and waited for a moment. It only took a few seconds before his eyes shot back open and a surprised whimper left his throat at the feeling of Younghoon pressing his crotch to Chanhee's before his hand moved to take them both together. Chanhee covered his mouth with his hand, slightly embarrassed at the noise he made. 

Looking up to make sure Chanhee was okay, which he silently confirmed he was, Younghoon gave an experimental stroke, which resulted in both of them flinching slightly at the foreign feeling. Going again, this one resulted in a slight groan from Younghoon and a muffled sound from Chanhee, his hand blocking the way of any noises he made. Younghoon continued the action, trying to mimic what he usually did when he was alone. It seemed to be working, until he noticed slight discomfort on Chanhee's face, despite the fact that he was enjoying it, but he was rocking his own body slightly as if he was looking for a different rhythm. 

It made Younghoom realize that Chanhee probably had his own way of doing things when he was by himself, which would differ from what Younghoon did in his alone time. Stopping for a moment, which caused Chanhee to look at him in confusion, Younghoon reached over and grabbed Chanhee's hand, placing it over his where the main action was happening. Looking at Chanhee, who was breathing heavily and was more flustered than Younghoon had ever seen him before, he offered the boy a comforting smile. 

"Show me what you like."

Chanhee gulped anxiously but turned his focus to their hands, before slowly guiding Younghoon's hand down to his hole. In all honestly, Chanhee didn't do it all that much. He had a libido that he obviously had to take care of sometimes, but it wasn't a regular thing, and he usually left it till late hours of the night if he was still awake. That of course hadn't stopped him from quickly memorizing what way he liked it, but he never really thought of having to use it in this way with someone else.

"You want me to touch you there?" Younghoon asked.

Chanhee nodded, but grabbed a pillow to cover his face in his embarrassment.

Gradually pushing one finger inside, Younghoon let Chanhee lean back as he took control again. Despite the action feeling a little new for him, hearing the sounds that slipped out of Chanhee's mouth was enough for Younghoon to keep it how it was. Their movements were still awkward and inexperienced, but Younghoon was glad they'd even made it this far, especially with Chanhee's shyness.

Chanhee softly called out Younghoon's name, catching the his attention. The pillow he was holding was now clutched to his chest. He looked like he was just hanging on, his face slightly scrunched up. 

"Y-Younghoon! I-I'm..."

Knowing what he was trying to say, and sparing him from having to embarrass himself even more by finishing the sentence, Younghoon perked up slightly and sped the movements on himself up a bit before replying. 

"Me too, it's alright."

Getting even closer, Chanhee reached out to grip Younghoon's back slightly, still moving with him but a little more desperate seeming, which Younghoon matched. It only took a few moments for them both to come undone together, Younghoon moving gently to drop beside Chanhee on the bed. 

They lay there silently before Younghoon spoke up.

"This is probably an odd time to say this, but I genuinely think I've fallen in love with you, Chanhee." 

There was no reply, so Younghoon turned his head slightly, to see the other boy fast asleep.


	19. nineteen

"Hey Changmin!" Bona yelled as she skipped up to him cheerfully.

"Hi?" Changmin responded, confused because Bona never really spoke to him personally.

"There's something I think you can help me with... well, that we can help eachother with."

Changmin frowned at her, curious.

"You like Kim Younghoon, right?"

He stared at her in disbelief.

"H-How d-"

She brushed him off nonchalantly.

"I knew it! Anyways, Choi Chanhee also likes Younghoon, doesn't he?" 

Changmin sighed. Since returning from their trip to Taiwan, the two had been practically inseparable, and it was pretty clear to him that they were in some kind of relationship, even though they hadn't told him anything.

"He does. So?"

Bona smirked at him.

"I don't like Chanhee, you don't like him either. So we have the same interests. I can help you get Younghoon to stay away from Chanhee, I just need you to do one thing."

"Who said I don't like Chanhee? And why would I wanna help you?"

"Oh?"Bona sighed at him exasperatingly. "What if I told you I have some serious dirt on Chanhee?"

Changmin hesitated for a moment.

"Like what?"

Bona's face lit up; she knew she'd got him.

"Give me your number, I'll send you the video later. Just make sure Younghoon sees it, and don't mention anything about me. It'll be better coming from you. Tell him someone sent it on an anonymous groupchat or something. Gotta go, bye!" And with that she skipped off back to her friends.


	20. twenty

"What's up Changmin? You're really quiet today." Younghoon asked. Changmin had been acting very strange recently.

Changmin looked up at him. He had been staring at the ground, because he couldn't bring himself to look Younghoon in the eyes. 

"Is there something wrong?" Younghoon persisted.

Chanhee had a late class today, so both Younghoon and Changmin were chilling in Younghoon's apartment alone. Changmin knew that this was his chance to show Younghoon Bona's video, but an uneasy feeling of guilt was making it very hard to do.

"I... need to show you something."

"What is it?"

Changmin hesitated. This was the right thing to do wasn't it? The video showed Chanhee with some other guy, so Younghoon deserved to know about it, didn't he?

"Well... I got added to this anonymous groupchat and, um, someone sent this video... I just think you should see it."

Changmin took out his phone and played the video.

It showed Chanhee, standing in front of another person (Juyeon), but the other guy's face wasn't in view. As the video continued, Chanhee began to strip in front of him. Once the video got to the point where Chanhee was in his underwear, Younghoon pushed the phone away.

"Stop. I don't want to see any more."

Younghoon was distraught. 

"Who was the other person? Why was Chanhee-? No. No. I- Who sent it?"

"I don't know, they didn't display their name." Changmin replied.

"But... B-But Chanhee told me that he'd never... Why would he lie to me?"

Changmin searched his brain for an explanation.

"Younghoon, I think he might be seeing someone else. It would explain why he would lie to you... Why else wouldn't he be honest?"

Younghoon put his head in his hands. He finally really, really liked someone, and it was all falling apart.

"Why? Why me? This isn't fair."

Changmin put his arm around him.

"Hey, it'll all be okay. Maybe just stay away from him for a while, see if he gets the message. He doesn't deserve you if this is how he treats you." 

Younghoon sighed.

"Maybe.."

"Let's not hang around with him anymore, okay?"

"O-Okay."

And so they didn't. As hard as it was for him to do, Younghoon completely ignored Chanhee. When they bumped into each other on campus, Younghoon pretended that he didn't see him. Even when Chanhee called out to him, he pretended not to hear. When Chanhee came to join him and Changmin at their usual table in the library, Younghoon and Changmin would get up and leave, all without saying a word. 

It was approximately the 6th time that day where Chanhee had noticed that upon him entering the vicinity Younghoom would almost immediately book it. He had also noticed that Younghoon stopped answering all of his calls and texts, and his usual caring nature had completely disappeared. 

At first Chanhee had thought maybe Younghoon had just been out of it, sick maybe. But watching him act completely normal around everyone else set off an alarm that there was something fishy going on. 

After Chanhee finally realized it was him that was making Younghoon feel off, he began to count every time it happened. He had hoped making it into some sort of game would help, but it only made the growing pain in his chest worse. This made Chanhee angry. He wanted more than anything to be able to brush this off and say "fuck you, I don’t need anyone but myself" but it was impossible.

Chanhee never had issues like this regarding other people. Most people stayed away from him or in some cases avoid him at all costs. This was something he was used to. Something that never bothered him before. So why did Younghoon’s sudden avoidance make Chanhee want to cry? Whatever the reason, it only made Chanhee more and more angry as time passed. He really liked Younghoon, and he was finally happy for the first time in a long time, but it had all stopped out of nowhere.

Chanhee had entered the empty library late one evening, just wanting to see if there was anything interesting to read that wasn’t class textbooks, and there Younghoon was. 

He was on his phone, leaning against a bookshelf with a cup of coffee in his hand. When Younghoon noticed Chanhee his eyes widened for a second and he attempted the usual escape, but Chanhee grabbed his shirt sleeve before he could get away. He wanted to get to the bottom of this.

"Younghoon! Stop this! Please!" Chanhee pleaded.

Younghoon stopped in his tracks.

"Why are you avoiding me? What did I do?"

Of course Younghoon tried to play dumb. So when he answered Chanhee’s question with a “What do you mean?” it was obvious he was lying.

“Wha- What do I mean? Are you kidding me? Y-You’ve been avoiding me for days and you’re honestly one of the least subtle people I know. So I think you know what I mean. If you and Changmin don’t w-wanna hang around me or whatever it’s fine,” that was a lie. It was very much not fine, but Chanhee couldn’t go down that road right now, ”Just t-tell me if you don't really like me, I don't know what to do anymore, don't be like this and avoid me f-forever.” 

Chanhee’s eyes were watery and filled with anger and other emotions that Younghoon couldn't quite place. He wouldn't let Younghoon break eye contact with him and it was obvious he wasn't going to just give up on this. He wanted answers and he was determined to go as far as necessary to get them. Younghoon hated confrontation.

"You think I'm doing this for fun? I'm not the bad guy here, you are. You wanna know why I've been avoiding you? You're a liar. I've seen the video of you and that guy. What happened to 'oh I've never done this before Younghoon~'? I know I'm not the only one, you've been lying to me. I genuinely liked you, and you threw that in my face. So just leave me alone."

Chanhee was shocked. Video...? Oh. Oh no. Bona and Juyeon. Chanhee felt himself beginning to panic. He rushed out of the library and to the nearest bathroom, where he shut himself in a stall. 

His tears were flowing freely now. He was shaking. It felt like he couldn't breathe. He couldn’t take it…the tight feeling in his chest just kept getting worse. Chanhee took a couple of deep breaths and tried to calm himself down. He rubbed at his chest, hoping that somehow it would help the crushing feeling go away.


	21. twenty-one

"I just want to be able to forget about him."

It was late one evening, and Younghoon and Changmin were sitting at a bench on campus. They had been drinking, especially Younghoon, who liked how it made him feel nice for a little while. However, now that the short-lived happy drunkenness was gone, he had slipped into the sad drunk stage.

"What about finding someone else, to take your mind off of him?" Changmin answered.

"...Who? I'm tired Changmin, I'm going to bed-" He started to get up.

"Younghoon. Wait."

Younghoon stumbled back onto the bench. He was very clearly drunk.

"Mhm?"

"I... What about... Just-" 

Changmin cut himself off by grabbing the back of Younghoon's head and pulling him into a kiss.

-

What the two didn't see, was the boy who had been watching them from behind. As soon as Chanhee saw Changmin pull Younghoon into the kiss, his suspicions were confirmed, and he ran back to his dorm in tears.

-

In his drunken state, Younghoon didn't really register what was going on. He pulled away, mumbled something incoherent, got up and started making his way back to his apartment, leaving Changmin sitting alone, not really sure how he should be feeling.

-

Chanhee felt it like a kick to the stomach, breath punched out of him instantly; he was left gasping and shaking, trying frantically to fill his lungs.

He felt his stomach drop - the world bottoming out beneath his feet - and white noise filled his ears like a rush of empty. Chanhee’s hands trembled, and he was hoping - hoping so desperately - that he’d got it wrong. Because he wouldn’t. Younghoon wouldn’t do this. But his knees; they gave out beneath him, knocking together as he slid to the floor, curling up as small as he could make himself, as small as he felt.

Chanhee didn’t understand how this had happened – he thought they really liked each other. Without Younghoon, Chanhee wouldn’t know what to do anymore. Younghoon had become his everything, his whole; and now Chanhee was nothing because Younghoon thought he was nothing – he had replaced him so easily. Chanhee was surrounded by echoes of fake and pretend - and it was like he didn’t even know how to breathe anymore. He couldn’t get enough air into his lungs and he was trying and trying but he couldn’t breathe because Younghoon had left; Younghoon had left and he didn’t like Chanhee anymore and Chanhee-

-he can’t breathe, can’t breathe, can’t breathe.

His hands trembled as they gripped the counter and Chanhee forced himself to inhale; fought and fought until the air went down, not easily, but his lungs filled and his legs gave – and Chanhee’s hands and knees were on the his cool dorm room floor; lungs heaving but working and he was not okay, but he was not going to die.

So Chanhee made himself stand back up; brought all of everything inwards and forced the trembling in his hands to ease. He held tight to his heart, shoved the hurt deep, and - breathed. 

He sat on his bed and gripped tight to reality; thought about upcoming projects. He held onto his sheets and planned what he was going to do for each one – because if he didn’t then he'd be back to thinking about not good enough and stupid and ugly.

And it was strange because Chanhee had been starting to believe that maybe him and Younghoon, the two of them, weren't just this massive joke – that this kind, wonderful, brilliant, handsome boy could want him; want Chanhee, of all people.

So it was a shock, but also not really. Because Chanhee had been preparing for this; knew that no-one could actually want him. He knew that it was probable that Younghoon would leave him one day – but it was awful. Because Chanhee had started to believe the kisses, the touches, the love that he felt sheltered in every day. He thought that maybe he did deserve it; believed that maybe he was beautiful, just like Younghoon told him. But it all seemed so wrong now.

And Chanhee knew that jokes could be both funny and cruel – and maybe he’d laugh years down the line – but right now? Right now it just hurt. He’d always been the butt of the joke, though. He knew that experience intimately. So he’d fake a laugh, fake okay – and when they all came around and giggled about Chanhee and gullible and hilarious, well. He’d suck it up and he’d laugh, because that was all he knew how to do. And if he went back to his dorm afterwards – if he fell into bed and sobbed; well. No-one would know.

But Chanhee was just tired. He was exhausted and all he wanted to do was curl up in bed and pretend. So he turned the light off and planned his pretend. One where Younghoon loved him and they were together, with a life full of sunshine and laughter. It was nice. Sweet. And Chanhee pretended and pretended and sunk into sleep, hoping desperately that when he woke up this would all have been a dream.


	22. twenty-two

Juyeon didn't know what to do. He felt the guilt creeping up on him. He knew what Bona had done, and he had seen Younghoon and Chanhee suddenly become distant from each other. He knew the right thing to do was to tell the truth, even if it was a difficult decision.

He shifted his weight from one foot to another as he nervously waited for Younghoon to arrive. He had asked Younghoon to meet him in the library after classes ended, because he needed to tell him something, and Younghoon had reluctantly agreed. 

"You wanted to talk to me?" Younghoon said as he arrived.

"Yeah," Juyeon replied, glancing around to make sure that Bona wasn't watching, "let's go outside."

Younghoon shrugged and followed him out of the library.

Juyeon sat down against a wall at the side of the building, where he knew that no one would see them. Younghoon sat down a few feet away.

"So... Uhh... You've seen that video of Chanhee right?"

Younghoon nodded.

"Yes. Why?"

"Well.. I.. um... I'm the other guy in the video." 

Younghoon just stared at him. He tried to act like he didn't care, but really he did, and learning that Juyeon of all people was the other person in the video... it hurt even more. 

"Okay? Did you bring me here to boast?"

"No no no- I- What you saw in that video... it's not what you think."

"Look, I don't care what you have to say about it, I know what I saw-"

"I forced him."

"What?"

"It was Bona's idea... Chanhee is scared of me and I.. took advantage of that."

"What the fuck?"

"I know, it's horrible and I shouldn't have done it, I just... I just did whatever Bona told me to do. I'm not trying to justify what I did, I just wanted you to know that none of this is Chanhee's fault. I've noticed that you've stopped talking to him, and that's exactly what Bona wants - she ruins everything for Chanhee. Just... don't let her ruin it for you guys."

Younghoon needed a moment to take in all this new information. There were so many confused thoughts flying around his brain all at once.

"Why are you telling me this? And why should I believe you?"

"What would I get from lying about something like this? I'm telling you that I'm the asshole here, and not Chanhee. And if Bona finds out I told you thi-"

"Ehem." Standing in front of them, Bona cleared her throat.

"Bona-"

"Shut up Juyeon. Let's go." She was furious.

"No."

Bona glared at him angrily.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sick of just doing everything you say. You're not the girl I liked anymore, you're a horrible person, and I've finally realized that. I'm breaking up with you."

Bona threw one last dirty look at him before storming away.

-

It all made sense to Younghoon now. He needed to apologize to Chanhee as soon as possible. Chanhee had gone through something so traumatic and what had Younghoon done? Ignored him and blamed him for it. He felt awful. After speaking to Juyeon, he immediately left for Chanhee's dorm to apologize. 

He hesitated outside the door for a second, building up the courage to knock and thinking about what he was going to say. He knocked tentatively and then stood back from the door, nervously shuffling from one foot to another. 

After a few moments, the door opened, revealing a pale looking Chanhee. He looked ill and his eyes were red and puffy. When Chanhee saw who was at the door, he almost flinched at the sight of Younghoon. Here he was, having tried to stop thinking about Younghoon all day, and now Younghoon had decided to show up at his dorm. It almost set the tears off again.

"W-What do you want?" Chanhee mumbled.

"To apologize."

Chanhee stared at him, confused.

"Juyeon came to me and told me the truth about that video. I'm so sorry for-"

"Stop." Chanhee cut him off.

"Chanhee I really am so-"

"I saw you and Changmin the other night."

Younghoon was taken aback. He didn't know what Chanhee was talking about.

"Me and Changmin... Which night? What were we doing?" 

"Don't p-pretend. I saw you. Kissing. You were all over each other." Chanhee was struggling to hold back tears.

Younghoon suddenly remembered the night he had been drunk. He didn't really remember much other than just wanting to forget about Chanhee. He definitely did not remember kissing Changmin. 

"I..." Younghoon started. "I need to go talk to Changmin. I'll come back." 

Chanhee just closed his door and went back inside.

-

"Changmin! Ji Changmin!"

Younghoon was practically banging on the door.

After a while, Changmin appeared at the door.

"What? I was playing a game."

"What happened the night I was drunk?" He asked bluntly.

Changmin's face went red.

"W-What do you mean? Nothing happened."

"Are you sure?" Younghoon persisted.

"Of course, why?" 

"Did you kiss me?" 

Changmin looked at him like a deer caught in headlights.

"N-No, of course not! I wouldn't do that!" 

"Chanhee said he saw us."

"Ch-Chanhee? Why were you talking to Chanhee?" 

"Don't try to change the subject."

"I... he's... he's lying! He just wants you to himself!" Changmin was desperate.

"Changmin, stop it. I know you did. And I also know that Bona told you to show me that video."

"He- He cheated on you!"

"No he didn't. He was forced."

Changmin hadn't known that. He suddenly felt horrible. 

"He was?" 

"He was. And you thought it was okay to show me a video of it."

Changmin suddenly broke. He burst into tears. 

"I- I didn't know he was f-forced! I thought he really was playing you! I'm so sorry I- Please tell him I'm sorry! I... You've probably figured this out already but... I l-like you. I have for a long time. So I saw an opportunity and I just... it was stupid I'm so sorry."

Younghoon felt sorry for him all of a sudden.

"Changmin... I like Chanhee."

"I know you do. I'm sorry for trying to ruin that." 

Younghoon started to make his way back from the door.

"I need to talk to Chanhee. I'll... see you later I guess."

Changmin gave him a sad smile and waved before closing his door.


	23. twenty-three

Chanhee missed him. Everything from his intoxicating, infuriating smirk to the peaceful smiles he wore in his sleep. 

The buzz of his phone drew him out of his thought. Who could it be this late? It was 12AM on a Thursday night! Probably a telemarketer.

"Hello?"

"It’s me." responded a familiar voice. A long pause. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

"Younghoon... are you okay"

A brittle laugh followed by a light hiccup answered him. 

"No. I’m unbelievably stupid and let go of the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And now I’m calling him."

Chanhee rolled out of bed almost immediately and began tugging on whatever pants and shirt were closest. He sighed in annoyance (and slight relief that Younghoon called him). 

"Where are you?"

"Outside your dorm."

Younghoon was sitting on the ground not too far from the door, clearly dressed to impress. Chanhee tried to swallow down the jealously bubbling up. There was nothing wrong with finding him extremely attractive? 

"Here," Younghoon said (ordered), handing Chanhee a carton of strawberry milk. "You look sick."

"It’s called depression" Joked Chanhee, obediently sipping the milk. 

In the dim lighting, Younghoon saw the paleness of his face not from foundation, and the circles under his eyes were from lack of sleep.

"You haven’t been taking care of yourself!"

"It’s not your job to lecture me anymore," he snapped. "No, that wasn’t...I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry."

"It’s okay. I’m the one who should be sorry, about everything. For ignoring you." Glancing over, Chanhee looked miserable and slightly embarrassed. "You know what’s stupid? I think...I found out too late, that you mean the world to me." he mumbled, barely audible.

"Stop. Younghoon, you don't mean that.” He stomped down on the glimmer of hope before it could start to bloom, not wanting to get his hopes up for a few words Younghoon may not even mean. "If you're just gonna sit there sulking then come inside, its cold out here." He turned to go inside.

Younghoon's heart hurt.

"You shouldn’t be so nice all the time. You should be mad, you should be telling me to fuck off. Why are you so nice? I can’t...I don’t know what to do. Just let me do something nice for you for once, to thank you...for liking me. I owe you much more, and I know it’s too little too late," he added, quieter.

Chanhee stood stunned, in the doorway to his own dorm. He knew he should say something, but his brain wasn’t working. Good thing he was facing away from Younghoon or he’d see his mouth open and close ungracefully like a goldfish as he tried to find the words. Needing to process those words from Younghoon, he walked inside to give himself a few moments to think.

Younghoon followed him into the room shortly after. “Sorry... I'm mad, at myself I mean, and I spoke rashly.”

“No...I’m working on it, on being less selfless. What did you mean you owed me?” Chanhee took a sip of the strawberry milk and it tasted like happiness.

His guest winced. “I owe you for being a jerk. I didn't know what really happened with that video and I just jumped to conclusions. I should’ve asked you about it."

Chanhee lowered his drink slowly to stop himself from slamming it down. 

“Right. You should have. But you didn't.”

Raising his hands in surrender, Younghoon huffed, “I’m learning, I’m learning. You are incredible and...and I remember what I said and I still mean it. You mean the world to me. I miss you.”

It was difficult not to comfort him, but Chanhee couldn’t risk falling again. 

“What about Changmin?"

“I was drunk, and he took advantage.”

“I thought I was just some...toy to you.”

"You’re not! You never were." Younghoon fell onto his knees, grabbed his wrist, and met his eyes. "Look at me. I've talked to Changmin. He understands now. I can’t go back and fix it but please...please don’t do this yourself, Chanhee. It was my fault. I’ll do anything you ask for you to forgive me."

"I... I forgive you."

"Okay... a-are you sure? Let me know...if-"

He was cut off by a kiss, chaste and lingering. 

"Yes. I’m sure, Younghoon, I forgive you." Chanhee smiled at Younghoon's sharp inhale, the way his body looked more tense, and the change in his dark eyes. Effortlessly, Younghoon rose and carried Chanhee to the couch, placing him down slowly and kissing his lips as if they had all the time in the world.

“This is okay right?” Younghoon asked. 

Seeing his affirmative nod, Younghoon dipped his head down and deepened the kiss. Chanhee felt that he was floating, he had missed this. It was as if each kiss was an apology and an “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um so this... is the end... except 1 more bonus chapter! woop! (im sorry)


	24. bonus

"Chanhee! Younghoon!" Changmin waved them over, smiling warmly in their direction.

"Hey Changmin." Younghoon waved back at him.

Younghoon and Chanhee took their seats in a large booth in the cafe, sitting across from Jacob, Kevin, and Changmin.

Kevin and Jacob greeted them warmly and Changmin started going on and on about some random thing that had happened earlier that day.

Younghoon took Chanhee’s hand from under the table, lacing their fingers together.

Chanhee bit his lip to keep from smiling, desperately, but unsuccessfully, trying to focus on Changmin’s story.

Changmin finally finished his story after what felt like forever. 

"Anyways, I'm gonna go order something." He got up and made his way over to the counter.

He ordered his drink, a hot chocolate, and the barista slid it over to him, along with a napkin with some writing on it.

"Hey cutie! Call me - ###-###-#####  
\- Kim Sunwoo"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading this until the end! yall are awesome!
> 
> maybe one day ill write a sunkyu sequel? who knows 
> 
> anyways thank u and goodbye! i hope u enjoyed


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